Chapter 2, She moved out - I win! I think

[bigybiz]

SadHub:

You are so right and I must admit that trying to anticipate what anyone is going to do is a fools game - no matter what the relationship - Spouse, parent, co-worker, etc. All we can do is do what we think is best and stay the course.

HERE IS MY CONFUSION.

When I read DB and DR - in particular the chapters on 180 and LRT the idea of not doing more of the same really resonated with me. I realized that 48 years of bad behaviour/habits, etc is the reason I'm in the boat I'm in.

I loved the idea of doing everything differently and certainly showing my WAW/WW that my GAL is permanent and I'll be OK without her. What I understand from reading those chapters - 100's of times is that doing the opposite/unexpected could break the patterns of the past. If the patterns break the WW/WAW might have a second look. Also, once I have "transformed" myself - I would want,need different things from my spouse.

So I embarked on that journey. My longtime listeners have tracked my GAL and even my WAW/WW has noticed that the man in front of her is not the man she decided to leave months ago.

So this is where I need help - and yes you and the entire community is providing it. When faced with a changing situation - I often fall back on bad behaviour. Thanks to help from you and so many others - I get ideas on how to change myself - hence implement my 180/LRT.

Is that making sense? I need to keep trying different things to see what works and along the way make myself and my kids happy too.

As you all know - I have a host of new skills - cooking, gardening. I don't ask her/rely on her for anything. My kid needs baked goods for the Sunday School bake sale - I did it. My W is an expert baker. We went on without her.

I would have waited and waited and waited to get a motorcycle. Now I have one.

So here I am with a WW/WAW who just moved out, her kids are thriving, they don't want to see her at their home. How do I take this changing situation and continue to change the relationship dynamics? I will stay the course - and thanks for the reminder about trying to anticipate her response and or control her actions. But how do I ramp up my 180/LRT?