I agree that unless W wants to reconnect there will be no connection. Thank you for sharing your observation. Any other insights?

My path is to connect deeply with my kids. With myself.Deepen my connection to others. My W is not my priority right now as I know that is a waste of energy. But I will continue to improve my tool set for a better R down the road. To do that I will need to improve certain skills including empathy and validation, amongst others.

The more I work on myself the more there is to work on. Or at least more I want to work on.

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together