Toast - burnt or just right

[SH_]

rich

I am sorry to hear you are feeling down. We both know this is part of the roller coaster ride and to be expected.
Here is a 2x4 for you though. Stop with the social media viewing with the WW. That's like self medicating for an illness with rat poison. It's not gonna make you feel better.
You need to keep on track with the healing process and you have to discontinue looking towards her until you are healed and whole.

Get focused my friend on you and your d. It will be a challenge, but you must do it. You will gain confidence and your d will provide you with feedback and love that will build that confidence, but you must stay the course.

I know the challenge you are feeling and it is okay and I encourage you to let the pain of the sadness and loneliness to pass through. But please don't add to the pain by looking at the social media and other aspects of what she is doing. There is no benefit for you.

I'll check back and I support you on this challenging journey, so I will look to hear your plan to get out of the funk and go be a confident loving father. Your confidence will build as you do that. I assure you of this my friend.

[rich4j]

I agree on the social media and have turned that channel off so I can focus. Knowing she is with the OM right now still makes me sick and that I actually hope she stays with him and doesn't come back :-) It would be a relief but won't happen for a while as its a plane ride away or super long drive

I have a few days away so hopefully I can recharge the batteries and not care about her for at least this upcoming week.

I am a person of trust & honesty and that has been broken even in the divorce and won't be a fun ride sharing time with our daughter knowing what I know.

Not sure how some folks who pull this sleep at night .

[SH_]

Have a great weekend rich4j.

Maximize the time you do have with your daughter. I read in a thread the value that quality can have over quantity. If you do this, your daughter will benefit greatly. And so will you.

Take your mind from wondering how one sleeps for being deceptive, unfaithful, and selfish, and turn it towards how you will step up and be the worlds best father for your daughter. This will help you sleep soundly at night. And this will put your mind at ease and provide peace for your soul.

[rich4j]

Have been catching on some people situation and just journaling

This entire process has worn me down. She has so much hate for me that it boggles my mind that she is the one who wanted this divorce so how am I to blame for everything in the world?

I had a good amount of time away which was much needed but still thought about her way too much while on a work/mini vac. Everything I was doing kept reminding me about how we did this and that together on vacation...it was sad. I snapped out of it after a few days but what a waste of time that I can't get back

She continues to not want to finish things off so we can move on...for the divorce. There is always one thing she won't agree on...then another....talk about me being a control freak!

I hope these setbacks of emotion go away soon. I do well for a few weeks...then get bogged down in wanting to have her back...only for her to do something that puts me back into resentment mode saying how did I stay married to her....then back to missing her.

maybe once out of site....out of mind?

[trumpet]

Rich4j,

I'm ending my first week, post-divorce. Still in the house - will close on the condo in 2 weeks. My ex-WW's take on the D never waivered in the stretch run, but financials and other things did. I think I came out ok. She refi'd the home today. I am now a squatter. *he he he*

It was written into the D papers I would have to the end of June.

My ex-WW went to Chicago to consumate her relationship this past weekend. It stung, and it hurt.

I really can't look at her either, Rich. It's tough. She is a bitter witch of a woman now. She has changed, and she's left lots of damage in her wake.

You will feel better when everything is done. I promise. I felt like the weights were lifted. However, the roller coaster started back up some, feeling the loss of the marriage. It's normal. I'm usually very tired lately. I'm excited to get my own place, and start back up with the exercise. I've lagged the last couple weeks.

[rich4j]

Trumpet

Sorry to hear but glad you could be a squatter for a bit :-) hope it eases the stress on moving which is daunting. Consumate her relationship...ugh...that is painful but you will also get thru it.

Yes...it's hard to even look at "them" when you know what they have been up to....mine is still in total denial. And I know this weekend she will be with him and lying the entire time to me. while in the house she continues to lob grenades at me whenever possible. "you can go food shopping you know and help out!" ...meanwhile..I am at work all day while she doesn't.....hmmm...

I do hope I can get thru this fog and once again feeling down and out. I am tired and hurt after having some great Gal'ing the last 2 weeks. She just seems to not want to let go and continue to inflict pain whenever possible

[MoveFrwd]

She has so much hate for me that it boggles my mind that she is the one who wanted this divorce so how am I to blame for everything in the world?

Think of it this way: If you werent to be hated, what would have been the point of all of this?

The only way it makes sense in the WS eyes is if the LBS is deserving of all of the hate. It doesnt really even matter what you do, that anger and hatred will be there....for now.

[rich4j]

It's hard to take at times. I think of all the things she has done wrong in our relationship and as many have said here....it is a 2 way street.

With her, it is all my wrong doings that has led her astray and this point.

I am in such a down cycle now as I think she is about to blow up our separation agreeement that will preclude the divorce agreement Why can't she just agree to what we had "agreed upon" already so we can move on?

I only expect things to get better apart but also have that suspucion that her life will turn upside down in a bad way once I am gone

[J5K]

rich,

Just roll with the punches. Don't sweat the small stuff and just address the issues when they arise.

WW/WAW's will always blame us for everything otherwise they would not be WW/WAW's.

You cannot worry about what will or will not happen with your W in the future that is on her.

You and your D7 are the two things to focus on.

I hope there is a little upside to the rest of the evening and night for you.

[rich4j]

JimK...thanks for the support and glad you got your place settled. Your sitch makes me look like a walk in the park but many of us have the same aligned emotional rollercoaster that just rocks your entire being

More ups and downs today with the L's. She continues to flip flop and agrees then disagrees frustrating both of our L's.

As we are heading down the highway to D and both of us not being in the same house in the next few weeks or so, she has a heightened level of blame and anger towards me

That is the part that kills me & seems to be a major symptom of the WAW/H. Throw your blame at others and not take ownership

I continue to read the stories here and many are similar in the wrong start leading to the wrong ending. I like reading the ones who got here early enough to try to make a difference.

I often wonder if I did leave and we separated when things went sideways this prior summer if it would be different now? She said a few times I wish you took my advice and left for a while..we may not be in this situation.

But then I snap back to reality and I do think it would be the same outcome but worse for me from a legal perspective. She had no intention of R and went down the other path.....