Focus on you. Check/notice what W is doingbbut do not concentrate on that.
I think you are doing well and would not rule out reconciliation happening.But that is just my opinion and I am no expert. However what I have observed here is that it can move fast or really slowly and the LBS cannot control that. He can hinder it though. To avoid doing that follow the rules and the advice from Sandi. Focus on you.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
She seem very emotional when I dropped the kids off after the weekend away, what to know everything! Commented that she was finding it hard etc
She is beginning to experience the results of her decisions. When she makes these type of statements, she's wanting you to comfort her. Don't do it. You don't have to say anything or act cold.........just don't respond to her pity party. There is a time when a H would comfort/support his W when she is unhappy........but this is not the time.
She is feeling that sense of losing her control......and maybe the position she had in your life. This is exactly what you want her to experience at this point.
Your dad is handling her calls well. I'm sure it is nuance to him, b/c I've had the same situation. She is trying to keep you in place (which she believes is under her thumb), and she wants to know your whereabouts at all times.
Quote:
She hadn't been calling me or txt me at all leading upto the I don't love you speech!
It's as if the WW is saying, "ILYBNILWY..........but I want you to stay in love with me". Therefore, she is constantly checking to see if you are still attached to her.
Turn up the heat by ignoring her insignificant texts. If your dad let's you know she's looking for you.........don't call her. It's not going to stop her calling your dad. In fact, this is how she gets you to pay attention, b/c dad contacts you and then you contact her. She knows the drill.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't think for a second that she doesn't know how to use pictures of your children to keep you attached. She thinks if you ignore her, then she'll send you photos of the kids and you won't ignore it.
It's all game playing on her part.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Turn up the heat by ignoring her insignificant texts. If your dad let's you know she's looking for you.........don't call her. It's not going to stop her calling your dad. In fact, this is how she gets you to pay attention, b/c dad contacts you and then you contact her. She knows the drill.
I didn't ring her after she call my dad, I answered one of her calls in the end!
She seems very strange at the moment!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Your situation has changed. She feels that. She is lost/confused. She is reaching out to you NOT for you. I believe sandis advice is spot on in regards to how you respond.
Maybe she is coming around. Maybe she is just temp checking.Maybe she is a lot of things.When she really wants back in it will be obvious.Until then you stick to your path.
Even if she is coming around it could still be a long time coming. You could drive yourself crazy analysing and wondering about her.
She is thinking about you. Otherwise she would notcontact. Taketthat as being a good sign BUT only a sign. Keep DBing and keep posting.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
bb, she is doing all of this to get you to write half a dozen posts wondering what this means. Does she still have feelings? Will she come out of the fog and want to return to the M? Look at how you're reacting.
Why is she doing all of this? To get you to feel exactly how you feel! And to keep you attached exactly as sandi says.
And you are. The "I don't have any hope for R" isn't true. People say that when they are looking for others to reassure them, 'sure you do bb!' they reply, and you get the comfort you need. Additionally all of your posts hinge on WW, what her facial expressions were that day, or which way she looked first before she crossed the street.
It's ok. I still believe that it takes 90 days and a second bomb drop before you can really detach. 90 days of hell, then something that pierces the denial that we all go through in which we just can't comprehend things not working out when we want it to soooo much and it looks like they're hurting. But when the other shoe drops and we see that despite their pain, they continue down this course, and something happens that cannot be denied...that's when the next phase of the journey begins.
For me it took a serious wake up call. I thought I was doing a great job DBing. I was doing 180s, GAL, being mysterious, distant yet easy going, etc. WAW was starting to open up, ask questions about me, express remorse, etc. I challenge you to read from 8/24/14 to 9/6/14 and see how it panned out.
What similarities did you see between your WAW and what mine was telling me? I ask because I hope sharing this part of my life will help you recognize a few things and take steps to detach and protect yourself.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I have read and it's a reality check, your are right I'm reading to much into what she is saying, I do need to protect myself and do what's right for me and let her undertake her journey.
I will be ok, it's just hard to take!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
