Kid had a melt down again. There is a pattern here. She spends one of the nights with her cousin and starts missing her dad. She comes back tired and over-stimulated and then melts down on me.
I validated her feelings and then told her that I get upset when she melts down like that. Told her I was leaving the room to let her calm down.
Kid has now calmed down.
I figured that she is upset about her C quitting the job and leaving the practice. Poor kid. She is now clamming up and stating that she has never liked C at all.
I told her that I like the C. I am sad that she's leaving but I am happy that I have met her. Darn. I wonder if my C would be able to see kid instead. I am willing to pay just so that kid can have someone familiar that she can talk to.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I don't have any advise. To be honest I know eventually my husband and his mom are going to want to take son to Florida and Disney since they have family there and it makes me so jealous! He will have these great memories with me excluded. I will be missing out and this wasn't my choice to divide the family up. And of course nervous for son to be away from me.
I just try to think that it will be a great experience for my son and that I get to do tons of fun stuff with him all the time. I try to think that there are so many worse things and that I am so lucky to have my son. I know how you feel though.
What is it specifically that upsets you? Do you have a say in this?
I also HATE the buttering up crap. It's so Damm manipulative and insulting. Its kind of like lies. Anytime husband is nice I know there is a reason. My husband is being super nice right now probably because of mediation, but who knows maybe there is something else. OK sorry for hijacking.
I knew it. He was buttering me up so that he can take kid out of the country.
No can do. Am absolutely fuming. And he's asking it in such a matter of fact way, like it's a foregone conclusion.
I hate him. Am not going to answer him.
Grl, why is this such a no-go for you? According to your agreement, is he allowed vacation time with kid? Why can't that vacay be out of the country? Are you afraid they won't come back? Are you afraid kid won't be safe? What's the issue, exactly?
Hi jjb and sunny, Thanks for weighing in. I really appreciate your views.
I don't begrudge kid's time with the x or his family. In fact I am grateful that the xfil and sil love her. As an only child, she enjoys the company of her cousins as well.
I don't want kid to go out of the country because of safety and legal issues. When kid is old enough to fend for herself, I will let her go on trips with them. Until then, I only trust myself with kid overseas. I am extremely upset because taking kid out of the country is not in the agreement.
Yet, they are using kid to make me bend to their will.
And it really tears me apart to see the pain that kid goes through. It's the mama bear instinct to rip apart anyone who tries to hurt my baby.
I am proud of myself for being able to tell x in a rather civil manner that no means no. Explained my concerns precisely and refused to engage in any heated discussions.
Not a doormat (though my friends would beg to differ) but not a biatch either. And to think that this was a lesson decades in the making.
In other news, this issue affected the way I handled a disagreement with a colleague. Said colleague refused to meet the deadline even though I had given her ample notice. Insisted that there was no way she could complete her job ( would have taken her 1 or 2 days max) even when I tried to explain how her refusal would cause a major delay in the whole organisation.
Frustrated, I finally took the matter to my superior who told me to refer the colleague to her. I replied that I would give the colleague till next Monday. Said colleague might have caught wind of the situation because I managed to get my report the same evening.
I try to bear in mind that the colleague was not my monkey. Yet on the other hand, I wonder if things would have ended on a more amiable note if I had validated her concerns and tried to help her see how it would be advantageous for her if she kept to the deadline. I was civil and all but I threw all dbing skills to the wind as I was so angry over the issue with x.
Yet another news flash. Why do I feel like x is dbing me instead? This raises my suspicions because he sounded like how he did in the early months after BD, when he was trying to nice me into a speedy divorce so that he could move into the TP'S love shack with her 2 children and marry her.
I have to concede that TP is persuasive to say the least.
Once they realised that I wasn't going to expose them or stop the divorce, Hyde took over and Jekyll only made sporadic appearances.
This time round, no more Ms Doormat. I will fight tooth and nail to protect kid and myself.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
It's another case of you can't expect the world to be kind to you just because you're kind, the same way you can't expect a shark not to eat you just because you're a vegetarian.
I am so so tired.
I think joining my current organisation is one of the worst life decisions I have ever made. I guess I really need to rethink the situation soon. It has really made me very unhappy because of the clash in values and beliefs. At the end of the day, it might just be another one of the sitchs where I can db my ass off and I still will have to call it quits.
A colleague saw me leaving my rental with kid. I didnt see her. During lunch, she confronted me about the change in my address. In front of a whole table full of colleagues from her department. She asked a lot of intrusive questions. She seemed to want to get me to admit in front of everyone that I was divorced. She seemed to want to watch me squirm in humiliation. I didn't give her the pleasure and skirted her questions as best and civilly as I could.
I held my composure and then joined my other colleagues. And then started complaining via texts to my close friends and colleagues. And I must admit that I was v hurt and lashed out at the female colleague to my friends. To the rest of the world, I was still okay.
It was the humiliation that stung. The disbelief that someone I have never harmed in my whole life would do this to me for no reasons I can think of. Why humiliate me for something that I didn't choose willingly? How could they even make fun of me like that?
I know I could choose my reaction to her. I thought I was very civil to someone who was very mean to me. But it's not true that words can't break your bones. They do and they can break your spirit too.
Anyway, ranting is the way I get steam off and I am really like Dory. Swim a few laps and I do forget. I rarely hold grudges- xh and TP have the dubious honour of being the only ones whom I really hate now. And I do try not to let it consume myself because I know I have to get on with life.
Anyway, I had stopped ranting one or two hours after the incident. Then evening time, I made a snide remark about the incident again.
And my friend said something inconceivablely hurtful. She accused me of being like another colleague whom she always thought had no morals. And the best part was I was trying to validate and concede that I didn't have to let the colleague affect me. And I wasnt going out of my way to avoid the colleague in fear of her.
Ouch. Mega ouch. These 2 friends, they rant too. One of them is impulsive like me and the other one is more reserved. I listen to them and I have their backs, even when it puts me in an awkward position.
And then to hear the more reserved one let rip into me for doing what we all do. That hurt. Because I don't let many ppl see this side of me. I don't let ppl see the pain. I feel betrayed once again.
So I guess the world is a horrible place. And I am a fool for thinking that most people would have enough humanity to not rub salt in my wound and make me feel victimised once again for not having an intact marriage.
Sharks in the water, hyenas on land and monkeys in the trees. What a horrible place this is.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
The thing about divorce that's one of those mega blessings-in-disguise is that you find out who really has your back.
I don't know what organization you're with that would tolerate someone treating your personal life as fair game in a professional setting... but I would contemplate a change of venue as well. NOT COOL. I'm sorry you had to live with that.
I'm not sure what to say to you here, because I know that there were periods when my divorce was in process that outraged was the only possible response (even when it wasn't totally called for). So I just send you hugs and I hope it gets a lot better, very soon.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Hi Maybell, thanks for dropping by and your kind words. It really does make a difference to know that there are people who care.
I totally agree with you. I am just aghast at how many people think that D is a contagious disease and at how I would be made to feel like kid and I are second-class citizens.
3rd world attitudes.
I am hanging on because the job pays well and commute is very short.
If I look really close and hard enough, the silver lining would be that I have greater compassion for the outliers of society. I know not to judge because I have not walked a mile in another's shoes.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
