Maybell 39: I'm Too Old For This

[Maybell]

So New Guy and I spent the WHOLE weekend together, on a trip, with the kids. (He had his own accommodations).

So WILD to see him interacting with my kids. They really like him and he's really good with them. Taught them skills. It was strange to see them responding to him. They were engaged and confident. I felt like I was a fly on the wall, watching them. He was creative in dealing with the whining. Told me his primary function was to help me relax so I could have an easier time caring for them. !!! Where does a childless man of a certain age figure these things out? Sometimes it worries me -- what is his ulterior motive? I have to work to sit back and trust that he is who he looks like.

Then, when we were finally alone together, something VERY trivial happened and I completely fell apart. Stood up to get away and announced that I was going home (we were at his house at that point). I went and sat in my car for a while, trying to calm down and decide whether I should just drive away; except, I knew if I drove away, that was a thing I couldn't come back from. And I didn't want to end things. So I went back in the house, but it took a long while for me to calm down.

We talked it over. It took a while. It's becoming clear that I provide something really important -- maybe even vital and basic -- in his life that I had been taking for granted.

I don't think I understand myself very well, but I'd say about 85% of the time, I love the way he treats me. I'm settling down. He doesn't check all my boxes, but when I look at the boxes he doesn't quite check, they tend to be the ones that Mr. Fantastic did check, and that, in my view, gave him the sort of exaggerated self-importance that made him devalue me and the kids. New Guy is emotionally brilliant, and frankly I find that terrifying, because I feel like he could manipulate me very easily if he wanted to use his powers for evil. But when things are good, they're very, very good, and when they're not so great, they're tough in a way that makes me look at myself.

I think I'm growing because of knowing him.

Is all that cryptic enough?