Thanks for reaching out. I am sorry you are here. I have more questions than I do answers for you at this point. But I do agree that ignoring never helps; and all the more reason not to if you have kids involved. Boundaries and detachment are about protecting yourself--not pursuing, not talking about R, and working on yourself. If he contacts you about the kids, custody, finances, I think it's important to try and put emotions aside and make solid decisions.
So this started 1 1/2 years ago, he admitted to A, and then left you? Have you been separated this entire time?
Do you have any current arrangements regarding custody, finances, or a system in place? How is that working?
Does he currently live close by and see the kids with some frequency? Is he able to follow through with responsibilities?
Most importantly, how are the kids doing and how are you holding up? Are you able to GAL, 180, and detach?
You mentioned that he is a foreigner and does this (DB) only work for American culture? Are you able to share what country he is from? Is he within a culture or religion that he is using to somehow try and justify this behavior?
Do you want the M to work out? Are you hoping he will come back around? Have you seen a L yet?
Sorry for all the questions! I am not sure what else to tell you at this point. But I am glad you are here, there is lots of wonderful support, and I do know how hard this is!
Please give us more details so we can better help you out.
Hang in there. -Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
