I don't have much to post these days because things are going relatively well. I am still here tho and reading up on folks. I feel like I should be careful about giving too much advice--I am coming out on the other side, but still have so much to learn myself!

I think we have turned another corner. We have decided to take a step back from working on the R and rehashing all of our thoughts, feelings, and disagreements. That can keep us feeling stuck and the hard feelings lingering. We are trying to be in a space where we can just accept that it is what it is right now. We are trying to maintain our independence and focus more on ourselves: we are both STILL learning to DB (he just doesn't actually know what that is, haha). So go easy on yourselves folks, it takes a LONG time to get it right. Day-by-day, week-by-week, and in my case year-by-year :-)

Piecing has been it's own roller coaster. There have been so many times that I have felt myself wanting to give up. I have to thought stop (shake off the grudge of the A) and to remind myself that I want this M to work--for the kids and for myself--and that I can always change my mind if it doesn't. Realistically, there is no way to figure this out in a day, or even in a year perhaps. Now that the painful triggers are starting to fade, and the emotional ups/downs are not as extreme, I can allow things to settle.

I saw OW again. It has only been a few times, but it is getting much easier and I am not letting her affect me. She was hugged up with her new OM and again isolated from all the other kids, parents, and activities. She is pitiful. I feel sorry for her H, and especially her kids. I was proud of myself though; I went about my afternoon, had a good time at the event, and found myself even feeling grateful to be where I am in life. If you had told me this a year ago, I would not have believed you! Just the thought of her made me feel sick to my stomach--this was someone I thought was a friend for many years, and even while she was pursing my H, she pretended to be a friend.

H has been great lately and I can continually see the changes he has made on himself, with the kids, and in his R with me. I think us taking the pressure off of "working" on the M, has made our time together more natural and enjoyable. The longer he is out of the fog, the more he can reflect with clarity on what a terrible mistake he made. That helps me forgive him and accept what happened as well.

Fellow DBers, If you are feeling constantly anxious, spinning & mind-reading, or are just feeling hopeless, I want you to know that it will NOT be this way forever. This is incredibly hard, but in your entire life, it is a short amount of time. Life, people, and Rs are never stagnant and always changing. That part I do know for sure.

Peace.
-Blt

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela