Last time this happened I felt you jumped back in to soon and too easily. I am glad to see that is not the case this time. You are in command now and have the time to decide on a course of action. The first decision is whether you want to give her the time to work on herself and see who she becomes or not. You have a lot of soul searching to do. Give it some time and tell her to give you the time to do this soul searching. If you decide it is over then be honest with her and let her know and the reasons why. If the decision is to give her a chance then I would set up some non negotiable ground rules like no other men, etc. I would insist on a minimum of a year of her working on herself before you would even consider any joint counseling.
LT
Yes .. that is the approach. I would be remiss if I did not share I currently struggle with some things on my end with marriage, my faith, the relationship I have started. I have been praying, meditating on it and I am sure its part of my process and things I need to learn to grow and get to the next level. So the door has not been deadlocked shut ... but for her to even get to that door its going to take time and ACTIONS ... not words, live and learn and I have .. never again will I go back to that without having the serious boundary talks and if she does not want to respect those, thats her choice and I wish her well.
I am not sure these conversations will even take place ... as you said I intend to continue my life 'as if' and give her the same gift of time that I did not really want but now cherish. We will see how this pans out ... or doesn't ... very well could have been a long weekend alone, moment of weakness and a cry for help .... she will recover and most likely go on as she has.
