So a few weeks ago I decided to copy all my posts from here, just in case there was a purge or whatever I thought I might want them for a later time ... maybe to just review not so much any progress with MLC, more out of my own journey which has been a long, hard but extremely rewarding one. I think I have done this as I have entered into a new phase of my self development which I feel I have made some big strides into becoming that man I desire to become.
That said I really was not planning on updating, but in the spirit of documenting my journey (and hers)... I do feel I have to put this stuff down as its relevant.
About a week or so ago STBX TM me informing me of the Memorial Day weekend coming up as its was a Holiday and she would like time with S. I replied ... indifferent... that I had sent out the schedule a week prior to ensure we were on the same page and noted I would have S Sunday and Monday (She had him Thur/Fri/Sat) and I have already made plans for those days, but would be 'open' to discussing it with her and possibly giving him up Monday evening, however my plans have been made and I was not willing to disrupt those. After that reply all things were back to crickets.
I had picked up S Sunday after going to Mass, we helped a friend with a home improvement project, then went to the movies. When we left STBX TM me asking if I could bring S by, she was not feeling well and 'had no one else' ... this cry I have heard a few times ... translation: OM and STBX most likely broken up again. I replied we had finished the movie, and we were going home. She pushed again ... I firmly told her it was no spot for a 9 year old to be in, taking care of his mother. Then I get the TM "I made a terrible mistake" I did not reply to that one. S called her a bit later as typical to say goodnight, after a bit he hands me the phone and says she wanted to talk to me. She was crying a bit, saying she was sorry for all she had put me and S through, she misses the family, misses me, tested asking if I still loved her, still cared for her and upon me not answering more tears and a 'you finally have stopped caring for me haven't you' remark..... was similar to what happened in Mar 2014, however this time I was not buying it. I told her I missed what we had, I missed the wife I had about 5-6 years ago but I do not miss nor care for who she has become. She called again the next morning, asking for forgiveness, said she did not deserve another chance more sobbing, sorry, misses 'us', I was her best friend then life got 'hard' and a repeat of Sunday nights apologies and crying.
For the most part I listened, corrected her when I disagreed with re-written history. I asked her what makes this different from last year ... I gave her a second chance and was rewarded with more of the lies, betrayal and deceit. I was not that nice as it still chaps me what she did over the past 3 years. I told her words meant very little to me and I sincerely doubted she could do what I would need to even get me to the table to talk about what could be done.
She shared she has been working on herself, going to therapy which I applauded her for .. if anything its good for S. Said her therapist told her she should 'take a chance'. I am not really buying it tbh Most likely its a case of another OM breakup and she found herself alone over a long weekend, time will tell. As I processed this information over, there is still that part inside me that would prefer my wife and family back... but I do not know what that even looks like anymore. I have learned some important lessons in all this, I have changed so much, the person she said Sunday night she misses and cared for may no longer be alive. With all the betrayal, lies and MLC wonders I am not really interested in all that. I have hit a point there is so much damage I question if I could handle another ride nor do I think she could possibly do the work she needs to do .... thankfully I do not have to do anything, she has a ton more 'working on herself' to do and I can continue my journey and living my life.
So nothing is really different for me, but wanted to update as I think its important in my journal to continue to keep a record for future reference.
