I may be way off base here, but I'd recommend you keep a close eye on H... he sounds like he has abusive tendencies...
I don't feel that H is abusive. Yes, he does not know how to speak my LLs and yes, he can be an ass a large majority of the time. But mostly I chalk it up to his upbringing. His mother did the same thing...in fact she calls him an a-hole to his face (and in front of me) and then laughs it off by saying "I don't call my son anything that I wouldn't call his father". Sure, whatever, that still doesn't make it right. So he has no clue how to relate to women. And his best friend is the epitome of the worst male chauvinist that I have ever seen. So he gets a lot of reinforcement for his negative behavior.
I have begun to fight fire with fire where before I would get defensive when he starts with his "jokes". Now, I tell him in no uncertain terms that his language isn't going to be tolerated. If he's in a pissy mood, he can go to the gym and lift weights. I'm not his verbal punching bag.
He is a good guy and we can repair this R. But either the change has to come from me only or I have to share SSM with him. I'm not sure how he will take it.
It would feel good to get this out in the open but I fear that my failed past attempts will just doom this attempt also unless I make it covert...
