Have i been making mistakes too long part 8

[tkdmme]

I did have a long chat with D13 this morning and apologized profusely. She told me that she understands and that she forgives me. The STBX on the other hand, will not and will hold this against me forever.

I don't know how to be alone. I stayed sober all weekend and didn't go to the bars. I stayed away from the women too. I just hate to be alone. Especially in that house. every wall holds its own set of specific memories. I have got to get a new place. Im trying so hard not to mess up. I never loose my temper. I have a very long fuse. im so ashamed of loosing it like I did. And of course the self pity sets in. No one needs me or wants me around.

I did not go to AA. I chickened out. However, I did manage to stay sober.

The bottom line is, I hate being alone. I hate being left with my own feelings of doubt. So what do I do about this. I need advise on how to be happy and alone at the same time. My go to was drinking. now that im not doing that im just staring at the walls thinking that this is all my fault.