A new crossroad reached

[mleigh4]

Thanks Job! I was hoping to get your 2 cents! I agree, this has opened the door to talk. I feel like we are both in a state of not knowing what to do. Someone needs to make the first move, I guess that's me, which I really hate. I get tired of always being the strong one....

I also thought it strange that he came off like I am the one who is not talking, not making a move and not deciding. It's like, in his mind, I am the one who needs to decide. Not sure if that is mumbo jumbo, avoidance of reality or plain manipulation.

First things first, the holiday calendar! I will get on that right away. Job, I love your idea of taking a walk to talk. I would feel way more comfortable and relaxed in a nature setting.

I realize I don't feel scared of the outcome. I didn't hesitate or feel anxious in talking about legal separation. I used to get major butterflies. When H left, he also kind of mumbled, I guess I should get a lawyer and looked at me. I just shrugged. I think it it would be a great thing for him to sit down with a lawyer and hear the process of divorce. It just may snap him into reality, or maybe cause some movement in him one way or the other. Again, I feel no fear of this and it makes me really happy.

Lastly, at one point when he was describing his misery with me, (eyeroll), he said he just wasn't happy. It amazes me how he continues to believe happiness is based on a person or thing. He just doesn't get it, what a burden to put on someone? SMH. But I made a conscious effort to just listen. the thing that sticks out the most in the conversation, I keep hearing it over and over, is..."you didn't want me". Breaks my heart, that wasn't true. I was overwhelmed with life.

Definite lesson in life for me, to adjust my priorities. I never want to make a person feel that way again, it's a terrible feeling we here are experiencing ourselves.

Thanks for listening and have a good day