Alcoholic MLCer... WOW!!!!

[TabD]

Thank you everyone. I am back, took a week to i don't know what to do. I would say be me, but that wasn't it. I don't know what this last week was. GRRR.... well our C cancelled on our, got an appointment with H's addiction C and then as I was pulling into the parking lot he cancelled and said he just wasn't ready to meet with her AND me. i told H that I wouldn't go. H said he isn't ready. i went to the appointment and filled the C in on the happenings since she last saw him, which was Dec 2015. she believes H started drinking again at that point, maybe not full force but enough that he was starting his addiction mind set again.

this week was my bday week. i tried REALLY hard not to talk to H at all... but things i think got out of hand. OW was out of town this weekend so H came to the house to spend my bday with me. things didn't go well at all... he had anxiety so bad it wasn't even enjoyable. he had anxiety because H told OW he would take care of her dog. i told him go take care of the dog. Then when H got back we had to talk finances and i BLEW up.... i was yelling screaming, crying, etc. I have not done any of that since all of this crap started. Yes I cried to myself and not let him see but I just lost it and I don't know why.

Then Sunday my family threw me a surprise 40th party. I really enjoyed myself... i was shocked i had NO clue. But as I was pulling into the parking lot of the party my H text me that I broke up with OW. I hope you are happy. I didn't respond as I didn't think it needed a response. H went to friends house to talk and H was all worked up because I wasn't talking to him. I just don't know the right response. am i happy , yes, should i be, yes. will i let H know. I don't think so. it wasn't a game I won (yes my H is the prize i hope to get back) but right now is not the time. H did text again that night stating he wasn't doing good. I called H due to he is depressed and he has attempted suicide before. I talked with H for about 1/2 hour and got H calmed down. Then yesterday didn't talk to H much, but then we ended up at the same friends house to watch basketball... I tried really hard to be his Friend. I just wanted to hug and kiss him and tell him it was going to be ok.

i am working on detaching and i am struggling with that.