Thank you job and Esame for the support. I appreciate it. It was a huge feat and I am proud of myself.
Nothing new to report on the h front except I noticed he blocked me on fb... He's still getting rid of every last nugget of our life together. Sad. Nothing I can do about it right?!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Hello there, Hope everyone is well. Haven't posted in a bit... Just got back from a week long vacation... It was heavenly. H was on my mind a lot. I even caught myself thinking about him as I was riding in a bobsled going 80 miles an hour.... Talk about the opposite of being present! I caught myself while doing so and thought, "what the heck are you doing Feyth? Get him out of your head now!"
Other than that, things are ok. I'm living my life, having fun, and focusing on myself. I actually just finished a cool local art studio tour and got to meet some of the resident artists. Even made myself a spirit totem that focuses on all the things that are important to me- faith (not just religion specifically, but the act of letting go of control and having faith in the future), travel, my dog, family, peace, and of course.... Love. I'm excited to hang it in my new place. It has a bell that you ring everytime you make a wish or prayer on it. Kind of cool.
Well, day by day.... Life goes on and things seem to get a bit easier to deal with. I'm at peace. Truly.
Wishing you all a wonderful rest of the week.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Hey Feyth... just stopping by to lend some support (now that I found your thread again!). I'll read through and get caught up.
Sounds like you had a great vaca and congrats on the half! Feels great doesn't it? Bobsled!?! Nice!
Glad to hear you are at peace. I wouldn't look too much into H blocking you on FB. Maybe he sees all your GAL activity and it bugs him. I blocked my WW just so I wouldn't be able to see what she was up to.
I had kind of a weird week and a half. Something shifted and I was eerily calm about my life and sitch. I sat back and questioned whether it was detachment or if it was the universe showing me the calm before the storm. Things are so eerily-still that it feels like something is due to come. Strange feeling. I haven't felt like this in so long, I'm scared for the next curveball.... Feels like I'm due for a blow.
It's June. It's officially been a year that h and I have been physically separated. During this time, there has been 1 R talk initiated by me right after I moved out and one D talk in January. Other than that, there has been no temp checking from h, no remorse, no signs of doubt or uncertainty. There has also been no overt signs of wanting to file right away and have this done and over with. I don't know what any of it means, and I'm not going to waste my time worrying about it.
I find that I don't enjoy seeing him, but I do see him every week for dog swap. we are in complete NC except for the two texts a week to firm up dog drop/ pick up. If If we didn't have the dog, we would be completely and utterly pitch black dark.
In terms of the very minimal contact that we do have, it's totally business like. I wouldn't even say it's kind, just matter of fact. No hello's, no how are you's, no have a good weekend.
Things are going well with me personally. I signed up for tennis lessons that start next week, signed up for a triathlon and have 99 days to prep for that. Also, an opportunity to run a half marathon on Sunday presented itself so I took it! It's been about a month since the last one and I clearly haven't been training, but my new mantra is "why the heck not?!" So, I'll go and get exercise and have a good time!
That's it for me... Just living life and moving forward. H is in my mind but as a distant memory. He's not the guy I married and I don't think we're going to find each other again. Never say never..... But.... Well.... You know!
I guess that's it for now. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
That a good mantra Faith, "why the heck not" should be the way forward for us all.
It sounds like you are doing really well GALing, you are such an inspiration with your fitness goals! And here I am proud to be walking more lol. Then again my goal is to progress to running at some point, so maybe I'll be running half marathons at some point too.
Fayth it sounds like your H's inability to discuss the R or what he wants, is a form of rug sweeping. Why are they so immature? In my case one of H's complaints was that we didn't communicate enough, but after BD we talk even less! I don't understand the immaturity and lack of courage. Just a thought, maybe your situation is different.
By the way, thank you for stoping by my thread, I appreciate it.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Things are going well with me personally. I signed up for tennis lessons that start next week, signed up for a triathlon and have 99 days to prep for that. Also, an opportunity to run a half marathon on Sunday presented itself so I took it! It's been about a month since the last one and I clearly haven't been training, but my new mantra is "why the heck not?!" So, I'll go and get exercise and have a good time!
Damn Feyth!! what an inspiration you are! Now you have gotten ahead of me. I am going to have sign up for a tri just to keep up ;-). How long is that tri that you signed up for? Marathon time yet??
I think you are doing great. As you know, our situations are different but similar in a lot of ways I think. I am coming up on a year myself. I feel like it flew by. I think it is so great that you do not let his actions or inactions get to you. You seem like a great catch and he will be sorry.
Hello All, Just journaling- Had a weird surge of anger this morning. When I'm angry, I cry. So I had a hard time keeping it together this morning. Nothing happened to trigger this.. I just woke up feeling so mad at h for being such a royal as*hat!
He completely redirected the course of my life by choosing that marriage was not for him. My life is on a completely different trajectory because of him. Sparkly positive feyth SHOULD say, "thank you H for this gift to rediscover who I am and for teaching me that I am capable of so much more than I think, and that I do not have to be a victim of my circumstances." On the other hand, scorned Feyth wants him to wake up and realize what a jewel he's lost. I did so much for that man and I was so blinded by love that I couldn't see how controlling and manipulative he was/is. At the end of day, things weren't great in our relationship... Of course I can see this now.
I have no idea where he is in journey as we don't speak. I'm starting to get the urge to file myself, but know it will bring on struggles and pain that I don't necessarily want because I'm actually very content with where I'm at personally. Things are really good. I'm always surprised when people tell me that they see so many positives in me. My boss recently told me that whenever she sees me, I Have a big smile on my face and it's brighter than ever. It makes me feel good, because I'm feeling like myself again. I remember this girl! I like her!
Well, that's it for now. I started marathon training yesterday for a full marathon in October. It will be one month after my tri so I think I'll be in optimal shape for this. I just want to see how far i can go!!!! Both literally and metaphorically
Enjoy your day!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Feyth I was thinking something similar today, that I like me a little more every day, and that I remind me of my old self. Maybe this horrid mess is a blessing in disguise? Who knows.
Don't worry took charge about the sudden anger, one way or another it is still a roller coaster, maybe different emotions tat later stages, but still plenty of variety.
You are doing great, and you are such an inspiration with your running.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Thanks for the support Esame! My running goals all came about through my DB goals. I used to run infrequently for fun (but I never truly enjoyed it). I always wanted to push myself to at least try a half marathon, but always chickened out. Plus, any free time I had I wanted to spend it with h. I didn't want to be out there running. We tried running together, but h hated it because I was" too slow and it hurt it knees to run that slow" so that didn't last long. Over time I just gave it up.
Just goes to show you that anything is possible if you put goals in front of you and stick to them. Spending time focusing on training and healthy eating sure did help me to take the focus off h and put it back on me.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Ugh. I was right about the calm before the storm. Things just got pretty ugly between h and myself. Nope, no remorse or second guessing himself and his decisions. He's getting a lawyer to protect himself from me because I told him I wasn't signing myself off the deed to our home. I may have told him that I felt he manipulated me to move because he said I could still live there but he was going to bring dates home. I didn't want that so I moved (stupid stupid girl) and now of course he says that those words never came out of his mouth. Ugh. Jerk.
I know it's going to be ugly because he doesn't think I can claim to anything.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
