Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 2

[PsySara]

Thank V.

I am spiraling right now. Lots of weird dreams involving H last night, I don't remember details but recall waking up feeling angry and sad. A mutual friend, who knows about the affair, has asked if he can speak with H. They come from the same culture and he thinks a male person who knows about the cultural couching can maybe talk some sense into H. H has avoided all contact with this friend since the affair was exposed as he is ashamed. So I am not sure if this would have any affect on H.

I think today I am just going to wallow a bit. I am feeling pretty defeated. Never in a million years did I think this would be my reality. I never thought I would have to consider divorce proceedings and how the custody of the kids would be determined. I never, ever thought my H would be this utterly heartless person. It's like his family represents a billion dollars and all he has to do is work hard at earning it, but he doesn't. It's like he won't even try. I know I need to schedule a session with my coach but I feel so hopeless and despondent today.

Last night he sent a text asking to facetime with the kids. I handed the phone to D5 and hit the facetime button and walked out of the room. I heard him talking to her but spent time upstairs sorting through the kid's new clothing. H texted me something about how he wished he knew I was planning to buy the kids a particular toy (I guess D5 showed him her new robot toy I purchased that day) and I didn't respond. In the greater scheme of things, does it really matter? The spiteful part of me wanted to respond, I wish I knew you planned of wrecking your family you selfish #$%&$%^&#%. Instead I just didn't respond.