Let her go? They are trying to reconcile! She has told him the one thing she can't stand is for him to disengage again.
He does need to trust but verify, especially since there is no complete void of contact between her and OM. He doesn't have to constantly look at her phone, but he does need to monitor her.
Coconut, you can forgive her A, but not the timing of it b/c that's when you decided to get off your a$$ and do something? That sounds just like a man!
You are essentially mad at her b/c you feel you wasted your time and/or efforts? In other words, if she had had the A before you decided to give attention to the MR, no problem........b/c you weren't out any energy?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
