Have i been making mistakes too long part 8

[tkdmme]

Thanks SH,

Rain is depressing! Although im ok this morning, its just stinks to be alone

There us something i havnt told you about. There is a girl that i like and she wants me to help here unpack some things today. I have been with a few women since the w left and they were all the same. A bunch of bar flies. However this one is different. She doesnt drink and doenst approve of me drinking. I met her through work and not at a bar. I know im emotionally broken but i really like this girl.

We talk daily and she is understanding and supportive. I know i dont need a serious relationship now but i really like talking and hanging out with her. She has her life together which is more than i can say about the others. At this point we are only friends but she has told me she has feelings for me.

Should i continue this relationship?

[SH_]

Should i continue this relationship?

tk,

What would you tell your son if he were you asking this question?

2X4
You know the answer.
Do you want to repeat the pattern?

Please focus on getting well.
You have an illness that requires your full attention and strength. You know this.

What will you do?

[Sotto]

"I know im emotionally broken but i really like this girl."

Hi TK, I think the above statement says it all really. If she's a great gal, she deserves a guy who is emotionally whole and healthy. Try googling relationships and entanglements - makes for interesting reading - and in your current place you'd be heading for an entanglement for sure.

So, what steps can you take to move forward to a healthier place emotionally. At the moment, you're still gravitating towards booze and women. Isn't that what you wanted to move away from?

Yes, I agree three beers isn't great - but don't worry about disappointing us - worry about your own wellbeing. Are you headed off to AA tomorrow or is it a holiday there?

I agree with SadHub, best to get out and do something. And I would also tell this nice gal that you are not in the right emotional place to consider a R just now - maybe you and she will link up at some point in the future....when you don't even need a band aid.

Hope you have a better day my friend

[tkdmme]

So, I went to church on Sunday. I was hoping the kids would be there. STBX said she was taking them. They weren't there. I took them to lunch and then they came over for a while but wanted to leave. They said this house makes them sad. This is crushing me.

Then yesterday was memorial day. I woke up early and finished s11 tree fort at the STBX place. She made sure I was uncomfortable. When was through I went home and worked on the house all day. I tried calling around 8 to tell the kids Goodnight. I finally got some9ne on the phone around 930. I lost my temper and said some things to STBX that I shouldn't have but why does she send me to voice mail. She knows I only want to talk to the kids.
I didn't sleep last night at all. I'm laying out of work today. This used to happen a lot at first but this is the first time in months that I didn't sleep at all.

I didn't go to AA but I didn't drink at all.
It seems that my kids don't want to be with me anymore. I feel abandoned by everyone.

[focus22]

TK, the piano playing part jumped out at me particularly.

If you have the talent, and enjoy entertaining others, it would be a shame to stop doing that in your life. I know there will be other avenues to explore as far as that's concerned. Yup, playing at day centres for seniors - definitely. Or what about playing for patients in hospitals? Is that a thing? Could you do that? Or what about playing for weddings? That would give you some extra cash too. Or how about getting together with another musician, or a singer, and working on some repertoire? Maybe more than one musician, depending on what you like?

I'm gonna be working with a pianist on some classical (and a bit of easy listening and classic jazz) repertoire. It's something I've never done in spite of my training. I'm really excited about it though. It's going to be excellent for my self esteem (I'm used to being in the shadows, musically speaking). And who knows where it's going to lead?

Sorry for the sitch you're in. But I hope you can open some new doors to an interesting and fulfilling life.

[tkdmme]

Hey focus,

I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing seems to make me happy. I miss my kids terribly.

Training? You are a musician? That's great and I'm glad to hear you are doing well. I hope the new project goes well.

[focus22]

I know how it is. It's like having to find yourself from scratch. It's difficult and painful and slow.

Can you make a list of the things you like doing, or would be interested in doing? Trying some of those, along with working on AA, would really help fill up your time and your soul too.

Also, these have helped me when I've felt overwhelmed:

* print out a calendar of the month. Stick it on the back of your front door, or on a kitchen cabinet, or somewhere where you can see it. Every day that goes past that you don't have a drink, cross it off with a big cross in marker pen. It's really really satisfying to see all the crosses.

If you backslide, don't worry. Mark it up in red pen, or something different. Just start again with the crosses the next day. And soon you will have many more crossed off days in the month than not.

You can keep all your calendars too, and see the progress your making as the months go by.

* Break down the big tasks into little small chunks.

So I wanted to get rid of my H's stuff from my house, but it just seemed totally overwhelming.

I tried to start with his clothes, but it was too difficult, too emotionally draining. So I decided to start with boxing all of his tax return, and paper work stuff up. Then I did his books, then his CDs, then shoes, then clothes last.

It did take a while, but once I had broken it all down into different types of things, it was easier, and I felt like I was making a little progress too...I managed to CDs one afternoon, and then I could score that off my list.

I do get stuck with stuff quite a lot. On those days I don't beat myself up, but just try to pick on something really, really small I can do. As long as I'm slowly moving forward, then that's still progress, even if it's really, really slow. And it takes me slightly further along the path of becoming myself as well.

Hope that helps.

[focus22]

I'm oringally a classical string player

[tkdmme]

Thanks, focus,

I actually use the calender too. And I'm doing pretty good with it. Her things are everywhere and she refuses to come get them. When I tell her I need it gone she gets mad and tells me I'm weak and selfish. I do feel weak but not selfish. It's like she expects me to bounce back and be fine with things after 16 years of my.

I still don't know what caused this. Is it om, Mlc? I just don't know and that's the worst part. I was not perfect by any stretch. However I was faithful, a great provider, a great father, and I was never abusive. It's so confusing and I go through ups and downs frequently.

Some days I'm fine and accepting it for what it is and others I just want to stay in bed all day. I miss my kids being here with me.

She wants me to sell the house but it needs some repairs. I'm doing the repairs but not fast enough to for her.

I rarely get angry but I did last night and told her what I thought about her decision and effect it is having on our children. She seems to think that they are fine with all of this. They tell me they want us to be together and that they are in pain.

I didn't sleep last night. I'm literally laying in bed now and will probably be here all day. I don't eat right any more. I have lost 40 pounds and have no clothes that fit. I'm am constantly worried about what she thinks of me.

I'm just tired.

[tkdmme]

That's awesome that you play. Music has been a good outlet for most of my life. However, it just makes me emotional these days.