Help My MLC/Nice Guy is a Foreigner!

[jamaica]

Hi all
I have been reading a lot of different posts here and have been getting inspiration and support from many places. Thanks to all the brave people who are daring to be honest about their situations.

As I reflect over the last two years of my previously "perfect"marriage, I realize that we have been struggling with H depression, being Mr Nice guy but really passive aggressive, his MLC, and my co-dependency fear of loosing as well as trying to combat the problems of his childhood (his parents D when he was 8, parents split the kids; he was given the choice to live with a parent, he chose his dad, because his mom was "mean").

Bottom line he dropped the bomb about 1.5 years ago, we briefly reconciled and then he went home reconnected with his friends and OW continued a PA and returned to move out on our 10 y anniversary. He has recently stated again that he wants a D but does nothing to initiate it. His behavior just keeps getting worse, hoping that I will do it all. I have gone dark, first time. Prior he had complete access to me and the kids and used it. He was at the house almost every day cooked dinner for us, went out to dinner with us etc. He just slept somewhere else. He was happier than I've ever seen him almost maniacal. He stated he was doing it only for the kids and that he wanted to remain "friends" since the OW and he were not in a A but a R despite the fact that she lives in his country and we are still M. I am struggling with how dark to go without giving him justification for his behavior. My DB counselor told me to treat him like a friend and write him an apology letter but that was before he intended to take the kids to meet OW in his country and hang out with all his friends and family who are ALL going through Ds and As (not exaggerating) with no plan regarding how he was going to address the kids questions/concerns. He said I will just tell them the "truth." He said we should let the kids choose. I said are you crazy? I went dark. I struggle with Boundaries as I feel like he has walked all over every one of mine until he started to involve our children.

Looking for specific advise on how dark to go. Looking for advise on foreigners. Do these techniques work for mankind or really just for American culture? I have not initiated any contact with him in over a two weeks. But he's planning to "talk to me tomorrow about foreign trip again." He calls every night to talk to the kids. If it is past their bedtime, I do not pick up. He has threatened to leave the kids to me and walk away. He has called me controlling. I am trying to GAL. This is my problem. I have read elsewhere in other "save your marriage places," that the death nell to relationships and will surely push your spouse away for good is to ignore them, to cut them out. They will just justify their opinion of you and push them into the arms of the OP.