WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[Phoebe]

Hey, Miss V, anytime I can elicit that kind of laugh from anyone, I am happy, happy!

So, SH, I just reread your musing from a couple days ago. Sorry for the delayed response. Something that I noticed is that you talked about how you wanted any partner of yours to evolve over time. I think that while it is normal to want what's best for our partners, it is not our job to improve them, fix them, or expect them to evolve. Ours is to love them, flaws and all, maybe especially because of those flaws and frailties.

People can and do change, but they will only do it happily and genuinely if they change for their own reasons and for themselves. Just as an example, they may develop interests that overlap ours because they want to do so for their own benefit, and not because we want them to do so. If the benefit they happen to be working towards is to spend more quality time with us, then so much the better. It's not fair to expect them to develop that interest, however.

People work on self-improvement for themselves, not to please us. They lose weight or go to the gym because they want to feel better, not because we tell them they ought to.

Wanting them to be different than they truly are is all about us, and we know where that leads - resentment, distrust, pain. On both sides of the equation.

I guess I'm just trying to point out that maybe this expectation of evolution, which is what you want for yourself, is not fair to place on other people.

I don't know if I'm expressing myself very well tonight, and maybe I'm off base. I'm definitely not being critical, just asking you to consider an alternate perspective. It's just kind of what came to mind when I read your musings.

I hope you sleep well, dear SH. Pencil smiles, chickens in saddles, chocolate thoughts, and lots of other neat stuff!