Can't explain why but since last week I have felt a shift in me. Could it be me starting to pack and getting rid of loads of things, or could it be my two besties friends showing me how much I have grown mentally and spiritually?
Both my friends told me about how much I have achieved for the past 14 months, how strong I am and both made me laugh by telling me to stop devaluing myself! They are right: I have been able to deal in a dignified way with my H's betrayal (ok minus the few times where I lost it but as a whole I did well!), deal with my mum cancer, my dad heart surgery, my two kids ( keeping life as normal as possible), my full time job, asking for legal separation, attending a family wedding, selling my house, and buying a new one! So I think I can pay myself on the back :-).
I also feel I have grown into a better person that I'm loving to see. I'm content with my life, still not 100% happy yet but I feel I'm on my way. I'm getting less stressed for things that would easily set me off, I'm changing my way of seeing things from always negative to positive ( still a challenge but getting better by the day), I appreciate a lot more what I have and being thankful for what people do/ did for me.
Don't misunderstand me, there are still days when I have a little cry (mainly because there was a trigger), although in general days are getting better and I feel stronger. I have been able to admit to people that I was/ am depressed but that I'm also on the path to recovery!
On H's side. Not much to say. I'm more cordial to him. Lately he tends to stay a bit longer in the house. H cleared his stuff and I noticed that he hasn't thrown any pictures of us, nor my Valentine's card ( but then again he might have put them in a bin bag and dumped them at his GF's house), so I'm not reading into it much. Tonight I saw shock on his face when he saw that I had already packed quite a lot of boxes and that I was selling everything. I'm wondering if the consequences of his actions are starting it hit home! I saw one of his auntie in town and she says she had never seen me so happy in years and that his cheating was probably the making of me! She might be right as I had several people telling me how changed I am!
Regarding H I'm in a place where I'm not really bothered either way and I carry on with my life. I have invited him for tea but I made it clear that as he would be spending quite some time doing the garden this is the least I could do as a thank you. I'd have/ did the same for a neighbour, so I don't see it as an issue.
I have been on a couple of dates, but nothing came out of it, except that I had a good time and that I met new people.
So there we go, I wanted to say to people that despite the breakdown of my M and my desire to save it, DB is about rediscovering who I was, accepting that everyone has flaws, that life has a lot more to offer and that despite all the heartache, the pain, the sleep depravation, the cries, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is us being saved and becoming a better us.
