New to Site - Just found about another

[Zues126]

coffee, ordinarily I would caution from jumping right to a D from standing around and pining. But in your case, with 8 years of infidelity, I don't think that's an entirely inappropriate response.

But there's one thing I would STRONGLY recommend:

I am thinking that to change my situation I will have to tell her that it is time for a D.

Wrong. Don't "tell her" it is time for a D. Please reread my post about actions vs. words.

Words are weak.
Actions are strong.

Instead of telling her, simply meet with a divorce attorney. Have a consult. Find out what the next steps are.

Then when you have to communicate, you can tell her "As you know I'm not willing to live in an open M. For this reason it's time to take some steps towards separating our lives. I want you to know that I met with a divorce attorney. He recommended that we immediately separate finances, so I have opened an individual bank account, and deducted 50% of the funds from our joint account excluding June bills into it. There will be more to work through in terms of parental time, assets, and living arrangements, but that can wait until we both have representation. I haven't filed anything yet but I will let you know when to expect the paperwork as I'd like to keep things professional with no surprises."

Then if she tries manipulating you, crying, begging, pleading, or spewing, blaming, or getting physical, you can simply remove yourself from the situation, avoid an argument, and tell her you'll hear whatever she has to say and give it thought...but NOT stop the steps you're taking.

If you just 'tell her' you're going to file D, she will likely not believe you, and very well may find a way to string you along and give you enough false hope to stall you indefinitely. I've seen it too many times. Particularly if you're desperately hoping she 'wakes up' so you don't have to follow through.

When can you meet with an L for a free consult? Do you already have finances separated?