This isn't something that we can work through Kyle. I'm beyond that point, I don't want a relationship that I have to fight for. It isn't what I want and it would be unfair of me to pretend otherwise. I'd like to draw a line under things and move on without all of this, constantly bringing things back up. Please.
She doesn't want a R she has to fight for? Why does she feel that she had to fight for the R? B/c of the financial struggles? B/c of of wear and tear of daily life? B/c of moving in with her parents?
Has their ever been a time where either of you had inappropriate communication or contact with the opposite sex? Texts, emails, pictures, on-line activity, flirty behavior, etc.
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In all honesty I know my wife and no amount of positive change I make for myself is going to change her mind. Once she has something in her head she doesn't back down.
Okay, fair enough I guess. Even though she did say that she would be interested in the old Kyle. I'd take a wild guess that she was referring to the guy you were when she fell in love with you.
Maybe you can't be that carefree, or bad boy again b/c now you have responsibilities that must come first. I bet it's the guy you used to be inside, that she would be attracted to again.
Getting together so young in life, can change a person rather quickly from the way they were in their late teens-early twenties. Although, she has two children, she is probably still growing up.......and maybe you, too. I think most of us are still growing up during our twenties plus years.
I went through something similar to your W during the first couple of years in my M. I had unmet expectations, disappointments in my H, faced financial hardship, postpartum depression, and basically thought I had lost my feelings for my H. I realized afterwards that I wanted back the guy I had before M.
I think you should challenge what she has said......and frankly, challenge yourself, by finding the old Kyle again (if you liked him). And I'll tell you something else. When you stop pressuring her by trying to persuade her to give the M another chance......and you let go and start enjoying life without her.........then we'll see just how much she is ready for you to move on without her. We'll see how much she's ready to fight for a R, when she feels she is the one being dumped.
You see, she is the one in charge right now. She has the power, so to speak. It's b/c she dumped you. A funny thing about humans is when they feel they have been the one dumped, for some reason discover they want the person who dumped them. This is often true in MR's.
You may wonder how this could be turned around, since she was the one to walk out. First of all, no more pursuing. (Are you following the 37 rules?). Act as if you have had an awakening (and I hope you have). Jump into carving out a life for you and your little girls. Take advantage of the times you don't have the kids over, and do all those things you use to enjoy when you were single. I am not telling you to get out and start chasing women! There are other ways of getting a life. Did you have a favorite hobby, liked sports, music, etc. what did you do in your spare time? You may never have another opportunity to be free enough to just do whatever you want. This is the time to discover new interests.
Instead of being focused all about her, and putting emotional pressure on her..........put focus on you and what you want. I can garantee you that it is a waste of time to press her about the M. Just back completely away. Stop talking to mutual friends, hoping they will intervene. Trust me, once you leave her alone and stop the pursuit, and you start GAL.........she'll know all right! And, if you are rather mysterious about your activities (especially who you are with), she will be very curious.
You must stop with the sad, lonely puppy routine, b/c this only turns her off. Don't try to make her feel guilty. If she returns out of guilt......it will not be the MR you want. She has to see/hear that you are not the same, and that you are happy! You may not understand how a woman's mind operates, but this is exactly what will cause her to question herself as to making the right decision. If you play your cards right, I definitely believe she will "fight" for a new MR with you.
BTW, if finances are tight, who paid for her little trip she took? Did she use money out of the savings? You may want to consider how to fairely divide the money in the accounts, if you haven't already. I'm sure you want to protect the savings you had toward a house. Has there been a financial agreement?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
