It is a waste of energy trying to figure out why. Sometimes there is no why. It is how it is.
Best wishes.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Im no closer to detaching either. Just got to work at it. I know im growing numb to a few things that only a few weeks ago had me going crazy. Im even sleeping better now.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Yes, it is, but the WW has quite a few illogical behaviors. As I have previously said, the WW is motivated by her selfishness. She is also jealous. She may not want to be the LBH's W............but that does not stop a lot of WW's from being jealous of their "position" they held in the H's life. In other words, they aren't ready to see anyone replace them as the H's new woman/wife.
It seems the majority of WW's are extremely manipulative in the life of the LBH (even if she leaves him). So many nice-guy H's have been led around by the nose for years and don't stand up to the manipulation..........and/or bully tactics of his WW. Therefore, she's out there making a new life, yet, she is controlling her H's life to do as she wants.
Some WW's secretly do not want to see their LBH moving on happily without them. Oh, they may say they want their H's to find someone else, etc., but they really want him staying home and pining away for her. Yes, it sounds crazy..........but then, so does the rest of their mind set.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I take you don't think there any chance my W could make a U turn, she seem very unwilling to tell people were are separating, she is very emotional, pushing all Friend and family away! I suppose I'm holding out for a change of heart!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
There is always hope. But do not wait for it by putting yourself on hold.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
No, that's not what I was saying at all. However, I believe WW's seldom do a U-turn. When I think of a U-turn, I think of a rapid and compete turnaround. In most cases, it is not quick enough for the H, and usually it comes in backward nd forward baby steps, Instead a one time U-turn.
It is a process for the WW to work through every thing required for her to become the W he wants again.
I have seen few newcomer H's who appear to have taken the bull by the horns and respond as effectively as I have seen in you. It is not easy for the H to stand tall, strong, and firmly. He gets tired and discouraged and begins to doubt if there is hope. I believe there is a lot of hope in your case.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
