Well things couldn't really get any worse here at IP mansion. I am back feeling like I have messed everything up yet again. Driven WAH away before he had even come back. I went out for tea with friends I used to work with on Tuesday. H looked after the kids at our house. When I got back H's face was thunder and he asked hadn't I got his text. No, I hadn't, my phone was on silent as I'd forgotten to turn it back on from my meeting earlier in the day. S and H had had words and S was now at my Mum's! Mum ended up bringing S back and came in to face H about it. They were arguing and I just stood there pretty much in shock that it was even happening.
Back in probably January when S was in tears every one of H's visits and H just dismissed his tears cruelly, my Mum had told S that if he was ever upset he could call her and go to her house. I thought it was asking for trouble but nothing ever came of it so I'd forgotten all about it. Never mentioned it to H because at the time he was barely speaking to me.
Now I'm the bad guy for not mentioning it to H and for letting there be such an arrangement. I had no part in the arrangement at all. H has said that this incident is the final straw in making him realise he can never come back. He has been painted to be the bad guy with my Mum, he says. He thinks I have said bad things about him to my Mum. All I have ever done is tell the truth about how he is when he comes round. S has told my Mum too but H doesn't believe that, he thinks it is all me.
Why didn't he take me out for another meal as he'd promised after the previous one? "It just didn't seem to happen," was his reply. ?????????? Meals don't happen on their own, they have to be booked and the person invited.
I know my DBing head slipped these last few weeks since the meal. I held it together but then when there was no further forthcomings from H I started to temp check. Now there is no chance. H took the day off yesterday and came round at lunchtime with a view to going out for the afternoon. I could come if I wanted he said. None of us ended up going and I ended up pouring everything out about how I feel to H while the kids played outside in the garden.
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry forever. I don't want my M to be over. I don't want a D. I can't have what I want and I can't do this anymore.
