Just a Vanilla Change 30

[Vanilla]

Now for today.

I have pneumonia and am back on antibs. So I am sleeping a great deal which can't be bad.

I had a PTSD episode about it as I heard WH (his voice from behind me) and imagined him in front of me ranting. Saying the things he said regularly

I don't do ill (marriage vows?)

That's stupid you are just lazy

Well that's the earnings gone

You are a hypochondriac

What about me then?

Get it over with, next time

I would be better off if you were dead

Sell all the house and go retire

I want you to pay me what you owe me

You are taking the piss and give me no money

Call yourself a business woman

On and on

I face him and tell him to STFU and I walk away, just as I did in real life.

I have no nice thoughts of xWH, I have no ill will, I hope he finds peace and love in himself. I want that for him elsewhere. Italy is fine.

I once had a dream that xWH was a maggot feeding on a dead flap of skin on my stomach. It fascinated me, as I watched him living on detritus. Living off my energy and life until now he has only dead flesh to feed on, whilst my wound heals.

I am unsure what this means. I am in a pensive mood.

I am aware that I have posts from my last thread to answer..

I need to rest for a while.

Hugs to all

V