Kyle, yes, there are many success stories. I am one of them. However, it takes a very, very long time--time to let go of the M, time to focus on yourself, and then even more time to build a new M with someone that has hurt you. I think you are correct tho, that people may less often post when the are back together. I read here for a very long time, but just started posting a year into piecing.
Your sitch may feel different than others, but there appears to be more similarities than differences: your spouse has given up, you are devastated, and you are desperately wanting to get her back, which often leads to pushing them further away. That is ALL of us and that is WHY we are here, A or no A, co-living or not, and kids or no kids. You are the LBS and you want your M back. Period.
I agree with what all of the other posters are saying! Coconut is the perfect example of someone that came here, started posting, got hit over the head with a million 2*4s, he started to accept and implement the DB principles, his W did a 180, and now he is here giving you advice. So listen to him, please.
What we are asking you to do may feel impossible, but it is really the only chance you have, if there is a chance. She is gone so let her go. You cannot control her, you cannot win her back, and you cannot obsess over her and mind read. All of that only pushes her further away. She has even told you that!
Let her go. Accept that it is over. I know it's devastating and you want to come back here to win her back. That was all of us. But you cannot. The only thing you can do, is become a better you. Find your strength, find your confidence, and try and be the best man you can be. Wake up each morning and start over. Over time if you can do this--detach, GAL, do your 180s--she will most likely notice. It is only then that she may find herself interested in you again.
For some folks it takes weeks, some months, and in my sitch a year. So no, you cannot "fight for your marriage," but you can fight for yourself and learn to be the best man you can be.
So hold your head up high, let her go, and learn to love yourself again. One day she, or someone else, WILL notice if you can really do it. That is the person that deserves your love and attention.
Go and read Sandi's rules--maybe read them everyday--and start there. Wake up each morning and start over. Over time this will get easier.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
