Thanks for all of the tips. I will definitely check out the other Ted Talks you recommended. Last night was extremely difficult for me. I honestly don't know why yesterday was so hard. I guess it was because I realized he turned the paperwork into the court. Maybe that was a sign for me that all my efforts were worth nothing to him, whatever the reason, I had a rough day and even rougher night. I did spend some time with friends, but as soon as I got in the car to go home, I had a panic attack. I just couldn't contain it anymore. Of course in that state, I made the HUGE mistake of calling him. He started by comforting me, but quickly became frustrated. He got frustrated because he felt like I couldn't control my emotions, and I got frustrated when he said that because I feel like I am in this emotional state because of his cheating and lying for most of last year. I know I messed up by contacting him, it was a very big setback for me, because I was making progress. It really hurts me and makes me depressed that he does not see the changes I've made within myself, he's just not waiting around to see that we can recover from his infidelity. I know I should've been stronger in how to handle it, but I'm only human, and I was extremely hurt and betrayed. At this point my goal is to completely let him go. I guess this whole time I had hope that he'd come to his senses, he wouldn't go through with it, that he would come back because he realizes it's a mistake. Everyone around me believes he's making a mistake, he's the only one that does not see it. Sometimes the pain I am in becomes unbearable, and I feel like I cannot get through this. I feel wronged and like I was taken advantage of, especially since I stayed when most people would've left. My heart is heavy, just need to take it a day at a time. Hour by hour.
