What Should I be doing (4)

[Coconut]

Yep, that was as bad as I was afraid it was gonna be... I just didn't want to talk to her, I did, but I think it showed that I wasn't feeling it... It also seemed like she wasn't into it, she's the extrovert in our R, but it was me joking and making conversation. Oh well, maybe one day, or maybe not..

Is it strange that I want to have sex with her, but I don't want to talk to her... Or is that just the man in me thinking that's how I'll get emotionally attached? I think Sandis right, it's amazing that humans ever had babies... Woman want to talk and be emotionally connected before ML, and guys need to start with that to want to talk... Oh well, another day, we will see how I feel tomorrow.

The good thing is, with me being confident there is no OM, I'm finding it real easy to go out and do my own thing, maybe that will help me detach, cause I know I'm not there yet.

The main issue I'm having to work through is a girl who recently started working in my office. She's worked for my company for awhile, I only met her once before about 6 months ago, and she was flirting with me then, but I shut that down quick because it wasn't somewhere I woulda even considered going, but with all of this happening, now I find myself thinking about her. It's crazy, she's like 15 years younger than me, shes smokin hot and I know it's the wrong thing to be Thinking about, but I can't help myself from wondering.

I applied for a position out of state at our HQ, I did it before she came around, thinking it would be an emergency exit if I needed it. It would be hard working with my wife if we headed to D. I think I have a good chance at the position, it's a big raise with a lot of growth potential, hopefully it takes a few more weeks before they make a decision, cause if they called me right now I think I would take it...

Grrr, emotions running high, not crying and despair, just thinking about what Zeus said and not sure I want to stay with her and risk it happening again. She hurt me bad, and I feel a lot of anger...