continued detachment, anxiety, and joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Thank you, SH. I know I'm not helpless, and that's why I said I don't want to be a helpless victim. I'm not, but I'm just kind of reeling. It's all this doubt. Whatever else, I always felt sure of myself and my life. Well, now that life has been upended and nothing feels quite right. It's a bit like not trusting gravity.

I just spent the last few hours with my new friend, the one who once hit on me, but who has become a sudden and unexpected source of comfort and company. I told her I was going to see some random movie at the inexpensive theater I go to, and she asked if I might want to meet and walk, instead. We just walked and talked for a few hours and while we were at the park she spotted a friend of hers who is a lawyer and he gave me some really good advice and is going to recommend a D lawyer for me.

It's been a tough day, but I've kept myself together since that last wave hit this afternoon.

Last night I slept without any meds, but I'm not even going to try doing that tonight. Mentally, I'm exhausted. I should probably eat, but I'm not feeling very motivated.

My therapist wants me to call and check in tomorrow. I didn't know that therapists were like this. I'm used to doctors that are done with you when your 15 minutes are up. It's good to know he really is there for me, even when the office is closed.