Zues, no need for check mates. I'm not really debating, just kind of thinking things out and worrying too much about my past and future : )
This is what I am thinking ...I think that maybe shared interests and values are what can initially attract 2 people, although opposite interests attract them too...so maybe it keeps them together or influences the choice to marry and start a family together. But in order for marriage to succeed you need like minded level of committment.
What confuses me, is that In my case, I kind of recognized this early. I stayed with my husband despite the lack of compatibility because I truly believed he had the same sense of loyalty and committment that I had. (He was a huge sports fan and stayed a big fan of a really poorly performing team. Now I'm not really into fanship or watching those types of sporting events , but I would actually joke "hey if he remains a loyal fan to them he will always be loyal to me". ) Everything indicated this as so. He was not a womanizer and pretty honest. He has been with the same company he started with. Him and his mother have a good relationship. He is a hard worker and a perfectionist. So I guess I'm trying to figure things out....SO either
1. I was really off in my selection process, thinking husband was faithful and committed type and he just was not or
2. That lack of compatibility just made things so so bad that needs couldn't be understood and met and committment became impossible. Although my needs were certainly not met either and I wouldn't have been able to end the marriage.
So this leads me to question, why didn't I leave?
1. I viewed husband as my family and would never elect death of a family member. (Unless they cheated on me..which a family member obviously cannot do)
2. Just never considered it an actual option.
So now second time around. Would compatibility and understanding the necessity of needs being met still make marriage inevitably miserable?
Answer: most likely, because now even though there is more insight and better tools about how to make a relationship last, things just get more complicated due to increased cynicism, more difficult logistics, and lack of a real incentive. Without codependency what are the real benefits of a "forever" partnership?
If that's the case, how does one truly connect with partners they know are fleeting? Or is there just no need for true connection?
I know myself and I do have a desire for that "forever" partnership. But I don't know why exactly at this point. Especially considering my situation.
