WHs do come back--Piecing--

[SH_]

It's simply a choice to wake up every day and think "I don't need you, but I want you." For me, I want my family intact, I want financial security, I want to raise my kids with someone that loves them as much as I do, I want to have history with someone, I want to know that I tried everything I could.

Blu,
Your post is exactly why this community needs you and your story. Your insights and musing are so important for folks to understand. In spite of your challenges, struggles and self doubt in the process, you get it. You have learned from your mistakes. You continue to learn from your mistakes. And this is what life is all about in every aspect of our lives, right?! Take action, make mistakes and then learn from them and taking a different action. Happiness can be found in this journey and when we do this, we control that happiness.

Yet, so many need everything and everyone around them to line up with what they perceive will make them happy. They fail to take action, due to fears that they will make a mistake, or the mistake will be fatal, so they stand still or ask others what to do, and then fail to follow the advice, because it does not feel right. Then mistakes happen, and they rinse and repeat the same cycle. Cheeseless tunnels if you will.

Maybe this is why so many MR breakdown. Spouses want the other to make them happy and be what they want them to be, and when they are not, they bail. When, they themselves failed to put in any work to make themselves happy.

So to my point. Blu, this hits the nail right on the head and is the missing piece in far to many relationships IMHO.
"I don't need you, but I want you."
How many are struggling in this community because they NEED their spouse.
This is obvious in the postings, because in one sentence the LBS is talking about all the things they need from the WAS/WW, then in the next sentence, the comments are all about the person that they can not believe the WAS/WW has become and they do not like nor want to be with that person.

The key to this "I don't need you, but I want you." , is that each person needs to find happiness within first and serve the person they want to love. Then it will not matter how that person accepts us or not. Because we want to serve them. We don't need their approval in return.

So, is the truth that, I want my family intact, I want financial security, I want to raise my kids with someone that loves them as much as I do, about the WAS/WS? Or can we be the person that attracts the person that we want? Be it the WAS/WW after they come out of the fog and become this person, or a new person that fits the desire of this statement?

I agree that we must do all that we can while there is an opportunity with the current parent and spouse for our family. But in doing this, doing all that we can, we must be focused on ourselves first, and know the signs that our spouse has reformed. If the signs do not manifest themselves in a timeframe the we know to be adequate, then we must be prepared to move on and attract the person that we want, and can meet the benefits of our family, financial security,loves our children as we do, and will create a new history full of many more beneficial aspects for our lives. Life can be to short to wait around for the person that has caused damage to our family due to selfish reasons.

Thanks again Blu. Your insight is very wise and I hope many LBS will read, reflect and take action on this. They will find a much smoother journey with growth and progress as they do.

And I reserve the right to change my mind on these musings, as they come from the place that I am in my journey, and may not apply to all that read it.
I feel strongly that to find true peace and happiness, we must look within, and then serve others with no expectations. Love is a choice that requires action and needs to start with loving and respecting ourselves first.