WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[SH_]

Some quick updates and journaling.

Yesterday was awesome. I spent the entire day with my girls and we had fun.
We went and purchased a guitar for d17. She wants to learn and her friend plays so she is going to work with her. She is so excited to do this.
We went and saw the Avengers. D5 really wanted to see it as she has been watching some cartoon version and knows several of the characters. Alas, in spite of her excitement she fell asleep about an hour into it on her sisters shoulder. Oh, did I mention it was the noon showing of the movie? D5 does not take naps, so I do wonder why she was so tired.
D17 and I enjoyed the movie.

We then shopped for a bit in the mall and got some summer foot wear for d5 and some clothes for d17.
We then went to dinner at a place that d17 really likes. D5 did not eat much. She did not eat much all day. I am going to keep an eye on her as her sleepiness and not eating is a little out of character for her. But she has been happy and fun the whole day.

We then went to As You Wish. It is a place where you can select form a large number of ceramic things and paint them. D5 loved this so much that she painted 2 things. It was fun to watch her.
D17 enjoyed it, but she is having a difficult couple of days.

Thursday, d17 went to spend some time with her mother. It was the first day this week that she did not have a babysitting job, so she had planned to spend the day with her mother and sister and have some fun.

I received a call from d17 at about 1230 while I was at work team builder. She was sobbing. She was sitting in her mothers car, because her mom ran in to get her sister some some fast food. D17 was upset because she was supposed to be at her internship and would be late because of her mother. She said that they did not have fun today as they spent the day at her uncles house instead of going out tho the movies and shopping. She was mad and sad and upset with herself because she did not want to feel this way towards her mother. She was crying so hard, I struggled to understand her. I listed and consoled her as best I could. She then abruptly told me she need to go.

Later in the evening I got the full story. They were to go shopping, a movie and then her internship, and then lunch. Instead, they went to her uncles house as he had a sore back and went to the urgent care. WAW agreed to tend his d2. So they spent the day there instead of their plans.
This is where d17 got upset. Her mother spends all of her time with her brother and apparently treats he and his family better than our family. D17 shared how her mother gave more attention to her niece than her own d5. She would yell at d5, and focus on her niece. She spend 20 minutes doing nieces hair, but she spends 2 minutes combing d5's hair. She would tell d5 no, and then turn around and permit her niece to do what ever she just told d5 no to. D17 says that her sister is a different person when with her mother than when she is with me. D17 feels so torn as she wants to love her mother and spend time with her, but that she just feels sad and mad when she is with her.
So they were running late for her internship, because first her mother could not seem to remember what time d17 needed to be there in spite of d17 telling her on numerous occasions. Then d5 had a breakdown on on the way to the internship because she wanted chicken nuggets. Apparently, d5 throws tantrums as a way to get attention and get what she wants form her mother, because this is how she gets what she wants.
This is when d17 called me.
Then afterwards they were even more late, because d17 in her anxiety placed the wrong address in her phone and they went to the wrong place.
In the end it all worked out, but d17 is really struggling in spending time with her mom. She is now struggling with making a decision to go with her mom for 2 weeks in July to her moms families house for 2 weeks. She wants to please her mom, but she wants to feel happy and these 2 things are not matching up of late.

So back to Friday. D17 was up and down all day. She is feeling anxious but not sure why. I think it is just the combination of all that is going on.

D5 was an angel all day and so much fun. D17 says it is night and day from when she is with mom, versus with dad. I just try to stay focused on her time with me and pray that God can help her when she is with her mother. It is no wonder kids struggle growing up in broken homes. Ugh, I hate to even think about the emotional stress this is adding up to for d5. But what can I do?

So, I had a great day yesterday and look forward to today with them. D17 is going on a breakfast date with a boy this morning. He is the son of one of the ladies she worked with at the school and who has been a big support for her during this ordeal. I hope she can have fun, but she is nervous. She does not go on many dates.

So, the L's have dragged their feet again with the finance agreement. I should say her L has. STBXW told me she approved the form several days ago. Her L has not confirmed with my L. My L reached out and told me it would be wrapped up yesterday. I never heard back and can not get a hold of him. Grrr this is so stupid and seriously holding up life right now. How is it that it takes just a few minutes and a few dollars to get married, but it takes forever and thousands of dollars to get divorced?

Anyway, I plan to enjoy the rest of this long weekend with my daughters and keep my mind in a good place. I want to outline a better plan for moving forward, and GAL needs to be more active outside of my time with my daughters. I have been slacking on that, and I need more adult interactions and with folks that I can connect with. I need to find more single folks. That is going to be my life for awhile and I need to get accustomed to that.

Have a great day everyone, and be sure to do something for your emotional first aid, and then something for GAL and then Smile. It really does help, in spite of it all.