Even in the midst of the worst times, my H has always greeted me with a hug and has given me a hug (sometimes with a small kiss on the cheek or lips) before leaving. I never really questioned why. I was just grateful for that small gesture of affection and let it go. I don't think he's "playing" you.
My H was also having sex with me while with OW (before I knew about her). I think it's a case of enjoying the fruits of both worlds (cake-eating) and trying to keep us from getting suspicious.
I am by no means a vet, but these were the thoughts that went through my mind as I read your posts.
From what I read, you actually have a few positives going on. If your H is in IC, that's a big plus. It seems he recognizes that he has issues to resolve and is taking steps to address them. There are many LBSs here who would love to see their MLCer get some C to help them resolve their issues. I would look at that as a big positive and not do anything to rock that boat.
I also think it's a positive that he recognizes he has to address his internal issues before he can put effort into addressing the R with you and his M. It's actually what you want him to do. If he says he is ambivalent, you're a step ahead of those of us who's spouses have expressed they want a D, or have filed, or have actually completed the process. I would try to avoid putting pressure on him.
I know it's like being in limbo, but in your shoes, I'd leave him be and let him work things out for himself (which he appears to be trying to do). I wouldn't push for "talks" about the A or the R. I'd try to let him know in non-verbal ways that it's safe to talk to you. That you will be understanding and non-judgemental. At some point, he will come to you and want to discuss those things, but you have to wait until he is ready to do that. The IC should help him get to that point.
Like I said, I'm no expert and you're the only one who really knows your h and your sitch. Those were just a few thoughts that came to my mind.
In the meantime, while he's taking care of himself, you keep on with your GAL activities. You appear to be doing a great job at that.
{{{hugs}}}
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
