Life 2.0

[Painter]

I think it helps me realize that I can let completely go, because nothing I could do would have changed a thing. The only thing that might have improved the M was if I completely eradicated myself as a person and lived only to please him. It would have involved superhuman abilities like mindreading. So obviously not an option. But that is what OW is trying.

What happened was inevitable, given this, and I see how his previous marriages have followed the same path and the next one will, too.

It doesn't mean I was perfect or was not at fault or couldn't have been more understanding or sensitive - but it does mean that much of what I felt was valid and much of H's behavior was out of line. But I have learned so much about myself and what I want to do differently in another R and that I have to learn what a healthy R looks like.

I wonder if your H experienced the lack of empathy that I think an affair can bring with it. Maybe it wasn't there before. In my H's case, the narcisstic pattern was there all the time, I just didn't do anything about it because I really didn't have many options (financially dependent in a foreign country with no family).