Turning Point

[blueboy]

I would agree, 100%, people also look for thing that feed and back up there dicision

[PacLove]

Hey Blu,

Not sure I understand your response?

[PacLove]

Hey Blu,

Not sure I understand your response?

Never mind realise you were respond to my rant on TV and not my question about IM.

[PacLove]

Had a great day today, really productive at work for the first time in a while. I think I'm starting to realize W's actions don't impact me.

Her long weekend plans were spoiled and now she's trying to insert herself and make plans with D - but it's my weekend. I think I'm just going to be "unavailable" when she tries (I do have lots of activities planned this weekend). It's tough though as she talks to D about it, so it makes me look like the bad guy now when I say no... I feel a heated discussion coming on at some point. Maybe I'll just txt her and tell her that it's not ok to try and make plans with D on my weekend.

Staying strong, start with a new IC tomorrow - looking forward to talking to someone about my progress moods, and feelings.

[roist]

Set your boundary but do so in a calm but strong manner. There is no reason for it to be heated. W can overheat if she wants to but you stay cool calm and collected.

Best wishes

[bigybiz]

PacLove:

My quick thoughts. If the message is regarding your kids, or $, or something you feel important - then respond promptly so you know you are doing your best. Anything else, don't bother with it. She may be trying to engage you and then go cold, she may want to keep you on a string, etc.

Also, save what you have to say (unless it's urgent) to when she initiates. That keeps you clear of being the pursuer etc.

Food for thought.

[PacLove]

bigybiz,

Thanks - yeah I'm trying to hold off on those things as much as possible. Today she moved some money into the shared account but didn't totally cover her share so I see that discussion coming.

We have an event at D's school tonight and she said she's going to be there (originally she wasn't). I'm concerned she may try and bring up the weekend plans - or maybe even ask if she can stay at the house as her weekend away plans fell through and she may not have a place to stay, will see how it goes.

I need to stay firm this weekend - this is the time to show her what life is like separated which is what she asked for.

[bigybiz]

PacLove:

I grieve for you as you face the loss of your W in separation. Be prepared for static when you tell her that she can't stay at the house. Perhaps have a response ready e.g. a friend is coming over, I'm painting, etc.

Just my 2 cents

[PacLove]

Thanks - shes actually been very reasonable for the most part through this whole experience (with the exception of the A/Lies) , hasn't really fought with me at all and has been more than fair - has more retreated than anything else. You can totally see the guilt weighing on her and as a result she gives in a lot.

I calculated the custody arrangement the other day and realize I've got my daughter more than 70% of the time and her less than 30% - and a lot of the time she has her, I've been there too.

She's also sharing all the household expenses with me, even paying for things one would normally not expect a WAW to pay for (House cleaners, nanny on my nights, lawn care etc)

All this makes it very difficult to be firm and not give into the small requests she has every now and then, for example last Saturday she let me join her to an event with D, so if she wanted to be nasty she could use that as leverage this weekend to join us. I don't know that she will... if she does I'll just remind her that it was her choice to leave, not mine.

Giving into these requests won't help her realize what she's really giving up in the end, so as much as it may hurt now it's hopefully for the better to show her what separation/D could be like.

[PacLove]

So W was pleasant tonight at School closing, she didn't mention spending the night and off-course I didn't bring it up.

She has been trying to insert herself into the weekend plans, asked what we were doing and volunteered her plans to me for the weekend. I said we were busy and her response "I guess I won't see D tomorrow then?" to which I responded that it was my weekend with D. She off-course brought up last weekend and how she let me join her and D, trying to site it as a double standard. I responded by saying it was her decision to have space, not mine so I didn't see it that way.

Long weekend and not over yet, so I'm sure there will be more drama as the weekend unfolds... to be continued!

I do sense she's in an overall good mood and missing us a bit though... she was cheery when she called.