Nope. I think compatibility is the devil's other lie that tears apart families. No one is compatible. But some couples grit it out.
I theorized a bit about this not long ago, the hierarchy of needs thing. The idea being that when our society was less wealthy people banded together and just needed food, shelter, and companionship through life's difficulty. If two people could survive together they were 'compatible'. We are now spoiled and want compatibility to mean matching priorities and views in so many areas it can never be a fit. I like fiction and you like non-fiction, I guess we need to divorce. It's a [censored] joke.
People need to suck it up and stay with the deal breakers and the lack of compatibility. It's the only way marriage works. I challenge you to find a happily married couple of 30+ years that says "it worked because we were so compatible that things went smoothly". Nope. Not going to happen. But I can point to a few thousand threads of where it didn't work because one partner thought they weren't.
Check and mate.
But you're right. While marriage is miserable, if you can accept that and get over the lies of compatibility and a healthy relationship, or whatever fantasy is in our heads of how we tell our selves a marriage "should" (by the way I think the word "should" is the worst, it is all about expectation and is the root of divorce) be...the end result is that we will be surprised at times when they do something that shows they know and love you, like 'wow, my spouse actually does understand me after all, they DO care'. And there will be times when you get each other and things are ok. And those are the good times. That's not what marriage is all about. That's just part of it. But it is there, if we don't let the devil take it from us.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
