My H told me that he went through a set of online tests for narcissism and also to see if he was a sociopath. He mentioned this after I discovered his affair.

It was very strange that he brought it up, and he had to point out that neither model seemed to fit him. On the other hand it showed that he recognized that on some level he should feel much worse about his behavior than he actually does.

Anyway, back to your sitch: How does identifying this character trait change things for you, Painter? I hope that doesn't sound brusque, because I am not being critical in the slightest about this line of thought that you are following now. I'm genuinely curious. You felt like you lost your last bit of hope a few days ago. Does recognizing his narcissism help you put his behavior into a broader context? Does it give you a better understanding of the path your R took? If it helps you to sort things out, then I say do the research.

I know that understanding the timeline of my H's waywardness helped me make more sense out of the changes I felt in our R over the last couple years. Hindsight is very powerful.

Sleep well dear Painter.

H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16