Thank you all for your responses. Reading them makes me feel human. Like I am going through this process to the best of my ability, and the things I am feeling are NORMAL. My H made me feel guilty for my anxiety and depression, and told me I was not a strong person. It was like being kicked while down, the feeling was awful. But, after being here, I realize that I am not as weak as he portrays me to be. I stood by his side through the affair, I wanted to be his protector and someone that would help him wake up realize he can be happy if he just allows himself to be. I've also realized I cannot force him to see any of this. I can only depend on God, and the fact that He will give both my H and I what is best. I did decide against telling anything to his family, at the end of the day, they're his family, so no matter what he's done, they're going to stand by his side. As for the hope I have within my heart, it's still there, and I think will always be there until I've completely dropped all communication with him. Right now I am confused because of some of his actions. He plans to come over to my place tonight, just to hang out. We don't have any reason for this, especially since we do not have kids involved, but I'm okay with him coming over, actually looking forward to his company, but I don't know if it's what's best, it may be desire beating logic right now..but I'll wait till he reaches out to see if he even does come by. Thanks SadHub for the suggestion on the Ted Talk, I will definitely check it out. I've been on this forum constantly, reading and learning from other's experiences. I hope I can be strong enough to get through this and come out a stronger, more stable person.
