Isn't it funny how your brain can take control of your mind? I felt tired and my brain said no don't go out! So I texted H to see if he could look after kids (very last minute), he said yes so no more excuses for me not to go out! I don't regret as I went on my own to the pictures! I had a great time ( although I'm not sure my hips liked it!).
Had a bit of an unsettled day and I have noticed that it always happens when I'm due to see H when he comes to see kids. So one of my target is to challenge those negatives thoughts as I have been on my own for 14 months and I can do it! Hip hip hooray captain Rouky.
I have a busy week ahead of me (despite being on holidays as it's going to be packing party!). In 3 weeks I'll be in my new house. Well I hope so as sellers seem not to reply to some of my queries! Normally I'd be beside myself and a wreak, not now! I can't control it: worst case scenario kids and dog will leave with H while a friend as offered me to stay at her house until I can move I to new house. If I overlook what my life has been for the last 14 months I'm impressed with how much things have changed in me ( I'm still in process of becoming a better me!). I have done things I'd have never been able if I had still be with H. I have met lots of new people who have helped me or show compassion and kindness towards me a total stranger to them. Yes it does hurt to do all those things without H, fortunately all this has been a good kick in the backside. Yes it has cost me my M, but I have grown to live in the present, to love myself, to show more compassion and I kindness as I'm slowly becoming who I want to be.
Most importantly I have learnt to love myself, be myself around others and not a pleaser! I have also faith in a better future for me.