Out of In house S- Start of two homes (10)

[vise82]

Hey,

Things were going good.

I asked W to confirm that we were doing extra coverage for looking after the kids on our days to have them.

W agrees and pushes me by asking if I can actually do it. I reply yes. Then she says dont give me that tone. Well I replied I was annoyed that you would even ask that. YOu are questioning my parenting ability. Need to get batter at validating.

So that led to her saying actually you have been snarky with stuff like bringing over a lawn mower and picking up the kids.
I said sorry it seems like that.

Then she goes into tomorrow saying that i will be bringing the trailer to her house as she has a lot of garbage to get rid of.

I listened then said no I dont feel comfortable doing that.

W got mad. W spewed. She said I was ruining a good separation, that I was being un co operative, that her parents gave me money so I should help W out. She asked me as a favor to do it. I still said no, the S agreement I signed was you asking for a complete separation of our lives, I have not interest going to your house or helping you at your house.

I had to leave the house. she wouldn't let it go, she came out and started to apologize saying this is tough for her and she just needs the trailer dropped off at her house saying it will take me 30 min. I said no again and the apology was out the window and more spew. The last she said was she is done with me but she didn't even finish the sentence as we are already separated.

I think I gave her too much info about not going in her house and waiting in my van to drop off and pick up the kids.

Its a boundary that I have stated now. She didn't like it, saying we cant have separate lives we have kids.

So this morning more texts from her about the dog, which she just gave to me to look after and about wall paper glue.

I felt sick to my stomach last night, like I blew up the chance for us to get back together, but in my head I knew it was the right thing to do.

THis trailer thing has been going on for weeks.

She wouldn't take no for an answer. To the point she thought she could just dictate to me that I was bringing it over, like it was nothing.

[pinn]

Hey,
I felt sick to my stomach last night, like I blew up the chance for us to get back together, but in my head I knew it was the right thing to do.

I think you did well Vise. I felt the same way early on, like I blew my chance. Sandi and company told me to get real basically and they were right. But I know it feels that way though. It's hard.

[vise82]

Hey Pinn,

Thank for the support.

I was down all day today, not great when you need the energy to get things done to move.

I could hardly move.

My friend last night said dont let her mess with me like that.

That is what she did, was trying to manipulate me. I just wanted to do my own thing and I thought that is what she wanted also, but no she has to try to pull me into her world. I had stuff I need to move with the trailer now and now I feel guilty for driving by her house with out dropping it off for her. This is a mind fukc to the highest degree.

I am on schedule, garage is moved all over to new place.Not set up but moved.

Next I am going to focus on painting one of the boys rooms.

Cant really move much more as we are still living in the house together and using the stuff.

We have a street garage sale tomorrow, I am going to be working on something else. I have no interest in being part of it. I have a pool that needs to be open so I will be working on that.

So didnt get much done today but still lots of time left.

Need to regroup and get more done tonight.

[vise82]

Hey,

So I managed to stay for the garage sale. It was good. W and I have done lots of garage sales before and we are a good team.

I hate that this is happening to our family. I so wanted to have a R talk but know from this site that I need to wait till W comes to me. we spent all day together. After the garage sale we were invited to the neighbors pool as they have a child the same age as ours.

W and I were there and she got me beer and I helped out with he kids. We seem to get along with the other couple. It just sad that we are moving, that we are splitting.

I want to reach out to wife but now is not the time.

We had our little fight the other day and it was back normal in no time. I just miss that parts that are missing right now, the solid commitment. The partner that has your back no matter what.

I was talkative and social with the other couple. a 180 for sure but they sure made it easy.

Today we both worked together again and packed up the house. I am thinking all this work for two homes and in the back in my mind I just cant see us apart.

She has a wall organizer that has our last name embroidered on it and she said for me to take it, it has my last name all over it. Then she added not that she is planning to change her last name anytime soon.

I kept my mouth shut but I wanted to ask where do you see us going?

I see hope for us when we can spend so much time together and not be fighting the whole time. It was more of the same like it has always been, we make a good team. I just dont get how she does not see that. Life is hard as it is why start all over like this? Why put our kids through this?

My GAL soccer starts today.

[vise82]

Hey,

Just came back from soccer. I made more of an effort to talk to people this time around. I think half of the team is from the winter league and the other half plays in the summer. It was good to get the exercise.

I just feel stuck right now waiting for W to come around. It been a year I would prefer to be with her but I am wanting to connect with other people I have been thinking.

I have not yet at this point and i think that must send a signal to W how much I do love her as she seemed to question me on it. I have been remaining true to her for all this time and I think that reflects how much I care about her. How much I value the years we have been together.

Thats why it mad me sick to just fluff her off on helping her at her house. But I get it. It makes sense.I cant just let her treat me like this and expect things to be ok with me.

I know these are normal feelings and I need to be comfortable with my self but not having that special someone to tell the details of the day to or plan to do things with is so missed. I think It will be even more so once I go on my own.

[vise82]

Hey,

I am all moved out, and into the new house. Old house is sold.
The 50/50 parenting schedule is in effect now.
I have to hire a babysitter to help me in the mornings I have the kids to get them to school for two days a week. And W needs care for the kids for one day a week because she works late.

This is something we used to do between us.

W helped out me and I helped out her for the move. We did end up sharing a mover. I took stuff to her place and she helped me move stuff into my place. her parents stayed at her house to unpack stuff.

W took what she wanted and I was left with everything else to sort out. Pictures came to my house, boxes of papers came to my house, odds and ends came to my house.

It was a tight schedule and I pulled an all nighter to move and pack things at the old place just to have W tell me she has plans at night for day two of the move. She had a sleep over at her best friends house. Not sure if the best man from the wedding was there as her fiend has been trying to get the two to have sex for a while now.

I had the kids at my house that night. so literally the first night she could she went out.

the next morning she was out for a brunch with her brother and his wife, then I had the kids and continued to move things. I complained to her about its not fair she is not around while I was moving things and looking after the kids.

Because of the work I did it got done.

When she finally showed up she helped. She was miserable so I don't know if she had sex with the guy or not or what happened. She was not happy though.

I was all business and got the job done, took the lead, pushed hard to finish. It had to be done by Monday.

There was no R talk, no crying. W cried at one point I pinched her finger with a box and she broke down say its too much work and she is sick of moving stuff that should have been thrown out two moves ago.

I was able to get out of the S and keep my race car and all the tools ect. At one point I was very happy to be able to keep it all. I was happy to have a garage so I can finally get back into racing. I was happy to set up my place how I want. I was in control. I could stay here as long as I want. I get to choose if she comes back in my life if it becomes an option.

Then there was also the quiet of an empty house. Kids not there and all by myself, knowing that I still love my W but we cannot be together was a sad moment.

I am planning on hiring an organizer to help go thorough all the boxes of stuff. And yes some is from past moves that were never opened. So W has given me all the baggage of the past to sift through.

[rich4j]

Vise
Congrats on the move and staying strong...it aint easy. I face this in a few weeks but STBX gets to stay in the current house which is not fair but either is this situation

The empty house. yes...that is hard. But enjoy the peace and use it to help get your head back on straight and heal. It is strange as I had the same situation with a long term girlfriend years ago when she moved out...Do stuff for yourself....I started reading a book that is helpful at least for me which I am about a third of the way thru...Crazy Times...Surviving Divorce and building a new life.

good luck with the new digs

[vise82]

Hey rich4j,

Thanks for the support.

I am doing stuff for myself. But when alone I find I am not easily motivated. I cam from a big family, always people around. I find it hard to stay focoused when alone. I will have to work on this.


Ok so today W texted me about car wash soap and a wash brush, if I had extra before she buys it.

I did not reply

Then an email about soccer tonight and to bring a lawn chair for myself and that she will meet me there. We live two minutes away. I was wondering how that was going to go as we used to just drive together. I guess that stops now. I cant suggest it as that is pursuing. Right?

I did not reply to the email, but now I replied to the text. Don't buy any I will look to see what I have.

Her birthday is next week and I think this will be a good gift to give her from the kids.

[vise82]

Hey,

So day 4 sleeping at my new house.

I get the kids tonight. I pick them up from school.

Met W at soccer. We did sit beside each other. Was some talk about the closing of the old house. I feel like there is nothing there anymore. I feel like she is so done, I feel no interest in her. I feel like she has left my heart.

I started to tell people at work now.

I bought some food for my place. Did more unpacking.

W texted me this morning about a toy I have at my house. I am ignoring it. There is just no need to reply. I can just bring the toy to soccer tonight.

I am going after work to pick up my check for my half of the sale of the house. That part of my life is done now.

[vise82]

Hey

Just making a note that W just emailed me. Was the most nicest email with a hello greeting and a thanks and her name at the end. This is the first time in a long time she has emailed me like that.

She is asking about days that I could look after the kids for her on her days because of a work thing that is on Oct.

That is so far away, just reinforces that things are not likely to change anytime soon. Also that she must have looked at a calendar for months in advance and worked out the days she has them.

Also she wrote in it that her family is trying to do the wine tour that we did last year. Saying HER family as in I am not included as HER family. And doing something that I did go to last year. They couldn't do something new?

Its all salt in the wound.

I am not going to reply.

She will be at soccer and I can tell her I will need to look at my calendar and let her know.

I am feeling anger right now. I want to tell her to fukc right off.

Its bad enough they are doing the same thing as last year knowing I wont be part of it but to ask me to look after the kids on that day which is my no kid day drives me nuts.

The best thing I can think of is to take the kids to something so amazing that she will feel left out. I need ideas.