Chapter 2, She moved out - I win! I think

[Zues126]

I'm new to your sitch but I agree with the other posters. You are very, very attached.

The good is that you are trying. The good is that you are posting. The good is that you are using your emotions productively and making personal improvements.

The downside is it is clear you are doing it for her. You seem to have it in your head that the story will go that she walks, you DB and better yourself, she sees what she's missing and that the grass isn't greener, and eventually she regrets her decision and wants to come back to the M.

While that's possible, it's not probable. That is a fairy tale. The harsh reality is it doesn't work that way in real life any more than living 'happily ever after'.

Sometimes people remarry after years of pain and suffering and change, and after failed relationships with other people.

Sometimes people never look back.

My point isn't that saving your M is hopeless. It's simply that it isn't certain, and if it did work out it would be a new relationship between two new people- the people each of you become over the next few years of a journey.

You will unfortunately have to grieve for your loss and move forward with your life without her. You will have to detach. Either you will do it, or she will force you to because she WILL detach and you can't keep playing the emotional connection game if she truly lets go. Or you will continue to be in some type of weird emotional game that persists throughout the years and future relationships.

I second the vote for learning everything you can about detachment. Working hard to come to grips with the reality of the situation. When you find yourself doing things and mind reading or fantasizing about how she feels or will feel, STOP. She's gone. She's out of your reach. Potentially forever. Whatever you want from her, learn to do for yourself.

It is brutally hard, but it will pass. This will help you survive the loss, and since it aligns with DBing it's not like you're killing the chances of a future relationship either.