3 my story 3

[sandi2]

I think you have done an outstanding job of DBing! You are very smart to hesitate and take things very slowly.

I told her the door isnt closed, but the time isnt here yet. She told me that its over with him. But that he's still in her mind everyday. I understand that. Hopefully this is all just a matter of time.

How long has it been since she and OM had contact, or do you know?

I went through a tough time getting OM out of my head, so I understand what she means. Did she say if she's doing anything proactively to not give him mind space in her head? It's difficult to control our thoughts, but you have to purposely stop day-dreaming about the AP.

after all her changes in behavior, the big talk we had and her new attitude towards me. i wonder, are we starting the reconnection phase? if so, im a little hesitant. the slower the better.

Maybe. I think it's more of learning to like each other as individuals again. You have a lot of hurt to heal, and she has a lot of resentment and other negative things to work through.

Continue to take caution and don't push yourself. Watch that you don't fall back into any previous relationship nice-guy traits. You have mentioned that you aren't really ready to move forward quickly, so don't tell yourself you are suppose to or that that is the DB way, etc. I can't say enough how important it is to take it slowly.

I would say to think of it, at best, the way you would if you had met a person that could possibly become a friend.....but you don't know enough about them yet. You are friendly when you interact, but you don't completely reveal everything about yourself.....or get too inquizitive about them, either.

I strongly.....STRONGLY, advise that you do not start referring to any time spent together as a "date". That word puts all kind of emotional pressure/expectation on the experience. You can call it anything but dating. IMHO, I would be very cautious about jumping into physical intimacy, too. Save that for when there has been much more healing accomplished.

You see if you can get along as two friendly people who are slowly spending a little more time together. See if the two of you start emotionally connecting in that realm. Leave romance completely out of it, until you see if you get along otherwise. As she earns your trust and both of you learn to forgive in a loving, sweet, manner....I think it will show in the attitudes. If she holds to resentments.....that will crop up in her attitude somewhere pretty soon. If you see it, immediately pull back. Give her space and let her be the one to pursue. You really can't do much about things from the past, and it's something she must work out for herself and the sake of the MR. Your job is to not accept her back into the MR as long as she still has resentment. That goes for both of you.

I strongly advise that you do not start living together. Don't be in hurry to make that step. While you are S and learning to work through issues and reconnect, I personally think that is when you need MC to guide you into piecing the M back together. I really think many people that's been in your shoes have been too quick in moving in together. Enjoy each other and give each other some space.