However, the underlying problems are still there obviously. She didn't really change, which I think is the main issue although I know I have lots of work to do too.
What if she never changes? Would you accept her the way she is.....for the rest of your lives?
I actually sympathize with you, but I've learned as long as we wait for the other spouse to change....the more stress we put on ourselves. If we allow their actions to affect us negatively, we soon look like the enemy in their eyes.
You cannot make her change to suit you. You cannot control her. So, what's left? Your decision.
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Our communication has been horrible, we're quick to anger, know how to go for the jugular in arguments, and care too much about winning than solutions.
Yep, understand very well. Here's the thing......you two continue doing the same action but expect different results. It doesn't work that way. So, what can YOU do (not her, but you) to learn how to communicate more effectively?
Which is most important to you.......winning in a conversation battle on who is right......or being happy?
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She says we're separated, and I've come to accept that.
Are her reasons for separating based on that she's been unhappy for years?
Have you seen this trainwreck coming?
Is she going to physically live in a separate house, or stay under the same roof with you?
Word of advice, don't try to persuade her by talking. Obviously, that doesn't work well. Use this time to find the guy you use to be....or become better than he was.
And seriously, check into learning effective communication. It may not just be her, if you know what I mean.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
