And it seems all the more genuine because of it, at least to me. What I've read about journaling, is to let it flow freely, no concerns about grammar errors, etc.
Originally Posted By: Zephyr
I will say that I am not a very articulate person. I don't stutter when i talk, but do when I think...I jumble crap up and my thought come off as confusing rather that what I want to say.
I hear you. In that same discussion with my brother, I told him that others seem to be able to just flow their thoughts out into words or text, even if they are full of grammar errors. I cannot. I reread, make sure what I wrote is what I really think, etc. So, I think it comes from a place of serious self-doubt, wondering whether my emotions are "real" or "right". Others judging me for them makes me withdraw further. But how to get to the solution? More effort into the text apparently is not the solution.
Why do I feel my thoughts are wrong? Partially because when I say I feel my W is stupid, someone WILL comment on it that my feelings are not correct? No one has validated me and said "yep, I can see why you think she sounds stupid" and "I understand your frustration, that must have been really hard to live with." Also because my parents were very much the type to make sure my thoughts were "correct." I asked my mom a couple weeks ago why she is trying to change me. Her reply was "If I don't tell you what you are doing wrong, how will you ever learn?" It is that exact mentality that made me who I am. I sent her a link a few days ago from psychology today on validating. She says she read it, but I am not expecting major results.
Originally Posted By: Zephyr
what am i afraid of here...being accepted. dont want to seem wishy washy or indiciaive or weak. here I am not treated as an outcast or a fraud.
Usually anyway. Those that you click with will resonate with you?
Originally Posted By: Zephyr
even my brothers over the years have cast me aside from time to time because I am not the same as them. I've tried to get into the same activities as them to build something...but it always wore thin.
I haven't been cast aside, my brother and I are fairly close, but I notice he does very little with our immediate family, he has withdrawn because of the behavior of our parents.
Originally Posted By: Zephyr
I don't want to talk too much about my mother
Why not? Fear she will read it? Fear that you will be judged here for what you say about her? Fear that you will judge yourself? Your feelings are NOT wrong. Your thoughts are NOT wrong. Your words here, IMO, are not wrong no matter what you say. You have my word, "I" will accept you for whatever you say or feel.
Originally Posted By: SadHub
But seriously, your posts are not as confusing as you may see them. Or I just know how to fill in the blanks, because my train of thoughts are jumbled like yours as you say.
See Zephyr... reach out and we'll support you. Finally there's someone else in the world that understands?
Side note, I reread what I wrote in this post about 4 times before hitting reply... on the fourth pass I decided to stop "filtering"
