Let go of any and all thoughts of saving your M. Let those die.

You can continue to DB and change your own behavior in the sense of trying to be a better person for yourself. But forget the idea of him changing his behavior in response to anything you do. Do what you do for you, accept his decisions, and detach from him emotionally.

This is what we're supposed to do on day 1. Unfortunately that isn't possible. In my case it took a much larger BD to wake me up to reality after which I was able to go down my own road.

And no, WH wasn't a narcissist. Just part of a culture that endorses this crap to the point that OW can post pictures of her with your WH and others can 'like' them. If anyone has a personality disorder it is our country.

Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15