To ignore or not to ignore?

[MrBond]

"He isn't interested in being with me n"

I get that but have YOU tried anything to attract him? Basically looking good, sexy, confident for yourself?

[sr9e2d7]

Yep! I've lost weight, I wear much more flattering clothes and I feel so much better. I'm trying not to do any of this for him

[sr9e2d7]

He wants a month - a month to see if this single life he's living is better than what we had. It's so unfair because any things gonna seem better than what we had, but I want him to think about how we could be. What do I do when he comes back in a month and wants to file for divorce?

[sr9e2d7]

I miss him so much!!!!!! I need to scream!

[coffee_]

So sorry to hear your pain! All I can say is you are not alone, if you need to scream then do it!
Give him his month and read the posts on detachment, read about forgiveness (it is for you and not him) when your ready.
Focus on yourself, hard to do but it is what has to be done.
Keep posting and reading.

[OFP]

sr9, sad to see another M crumbling with something that seems like an easy fix. I am sorry to hear about your story.

Whether you file for D should be considered heavily. Is it necessary to protect your assets, your finances, and especially D1? If not, if you are doing fine with all of those things, then maybe you do not need to. It is expensive, painful, a lot of work. You can set boundaries without D.

I would think you would "tell him" the rules of the separation. Set up a firm time for visiting D1, and H either sticks to it or misses out.

Some of the more experienced people on here will have to help with what healthy boundaries for you may look like. I would imagine you would say that you don't want to have any R talks at all until he chooses a direction, he doesn't need constant temp checks to decide what he wants. Maybe establish some rules of what he would need to work on before R talks can begin, be it MC or IC or other?

Many others on here are stuck in limbo, but I believe you still have some choices that you can make right now, for self protection as well as preserving self esteem.

Document everything, just in case things get ugly later. Gather documents on assets and all accounts, and put them in a safety deposit box. Take pictures of everything you own before it starts disappearing.

[sr9e2d7]

I don't want to file for divorce - I don't want a divorce at all! I'm just terrified that he's gonna file. All signs are pointing to his not doing that, but it's the thought that keeps me up at night

[OFP]

I'll give the advice that is given to me and I hate hearing... But it's true. You can't control his actions!

If he files for D, you will then have your answer, like it or not. Terrible to hear. In the mean time, as long as YOU are stable, don't worry about it. When the time comes, deal with the D. If you want to stall, you can stall for years. He may or may not stop part way through, you don't know. Make it uncomfortable for him now as if you are already D so he can see what it is like.

My W made it impossible for me to live on my own, which forced me to file to protect myself.

[sr9e2d7]

What do you think about taking a break from marriage and then getting back together. My husband and I just talked about possibly doing this.itll be a six month break (five of which we've already served, so one month left) and then a reconciliation (with counseling)

[sr9e2d7]

SOrry to be a pest - just curios about people's thoughts on taking a break