Chapter 2, She moved out - I win! I think

[bigybiz]

Collin, JimKao, SadHub:

Thanks for your posts. It's truly humbling to be in such company. When I reread my own posts, I realize that they can sound more dramatic than I actually feel.

I'm totally energized when I read the various posts from all of you and so many others on this site.

As you know, I'm very happy with the progress I've made and I know no one or nothing can take that away. As easy as it is to say, I should not do things with her in mind - I have a desire to try an make amends for some of my failings. Whether it's catching up on house projects or taking on a bigger part of the house work, doing a better job at tracking finances, etc. I get great satisfaction in making amends where I can. I do believe that part of being remorseful is changing behaviour. If she chooses not to accept my changes or acknowledge my efforts - that's her problem. My efforts were sincere/genuine.

I can truly tell everyone that life right now is OK. I do ache for her and think about her all the time. I do need more focus on work. I'm happy with much of what is happening - TBH since she left there is 0 tension in the house. I need to be thankful for that.

The other day, I said to myself - Maybe I don't want her back - maybe she is damaged goods. Then I realized that is the wrong attitude. Even though I took my hands off the wheel for a few years-I did promise to love her forever, so I can't think like that. The negative, retaliatory thinking is as bad as the desperation and neediness.

I do daydream that next week at the school fair - some sexy single mom says to her "Your finished with him right...so you won't mind if...)

Until then, my goal is for my marriage to be healed. So I'll continue to morph myself into a man that is worthy of a loving, accepting, honest, Godly, etc marriage.

But, I still need help with the practical in dealing with her. i.e. Do I post photos, etc of what the kids and I are doing, should I change the house too much, etc, etc.

What do you think.

BTW - I've added to my prayer list that my W uses this time to develop a deep relationship with God.

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