Lost and scared

[Coconut]

It's ok JZ, you messed up, just start again... Have you started thinking about things you can do away from the house? Nothing wrong with sitting on the porch, I love doing so, but it will help you when your not wondering if your H is going to come find you... Last night I heard about a open mic night at a local British Pub, it was great.. I had never been to anything like it, but found myself enjoying the musicians and comics..

I've always struggled with initiating small talk, so I've never gone to bars alone, but I sat at the bar last night and forced myself to initiate conversation... The point is I saw something I "thought" might be fun, and I went for it... Tonight I'm going for a second meditation class, something I never thought would interest me, but I found that I really loved it last class, and it took away sooo much stress.

They don't need to be big things, just find new things to try, it will build your self confidence and may even give you a smile. Go on meetup.com right now, see what's going on in your area this week and pick something to do.

[Jzmill]

C, Guess so...I love the porch too, looking at stars is peaceful...Didn't think my whereabouts would be concern. For me it is actually a big deal to do own thing close by in yard/porch. But will keep being away in mind too.

I have had hiking in mind and can hit balls at range. Our neighbors plan things. think will do the ladies game night next wk. Some events involve the guys too but H is more interested in social things w. work ppl. it hurts but try not to let it get to me. Will cont. walks so not always home to greet.

[Jzmill]

Oh dear..taking in the peaceful surroundings of our home; trees, hills, crisp air, sounds of frogs and crickets. I am a puddle. motivation to keep going.

[Coconut]

Stay strong JZ, you will make it through this, and the more time you can focus on you the easier it will get. It sounds like you live in a beautiful area, I would enjoy spending time there to, but the thing is you need to spend time away to..

The game sounds like a great outing, try and live in the moment when your there, enjoy it.

[Coconut]

JZ, just chicken in on you, hope your out enjoying yourself...

[Jzmill]

Have been taking breather. I am tired. Detaching still struggle. Did get out other day to golf and kept busy around house. Finding a balance of checking emotions tough. Think have come off lately as cold so being mindful.

The feelings H has/EA is wearing on me. Following feedback to let it be but tough to keep in. When BD seems around corner is detaching still the focus and taking advantage of time given?

Was sad last night and needed a hug. Didnt seek one/any affection lately since figured persuing?

[Coconut]

Jzmill, treat your husband the same you would a friendly neighbor, polite, friendly, but at a distance. You wouldn't feel the need to provide a neighbor with your exact destination or how long you'll be gone right?

Try hard not to come across as cold, that will negate any positive actions you take. You need to show confidence and as though you are at peace with everything going on.

[Jzmill]

C, appreciate feedback and doing best to be at peace and allow changes to show but think H stuck with mindset has and sees one resolution.

[Jzmill]

C/Others ...Can tell BD approaching and really scared. Know to stay calm in moment and let know want to save. Opinions on how to handle please?

-Should I start a convo then instead and validate feelings/share my own?
-Suggest alternatives: seeing someone? An in house S?
-When convo does arise could I mention EA and how makes me feel. Let him know I have been talking to someone?

[Coconut]

JZ, just validate, DO NOT share your feelings, he doesn't care what your feelings are right now, his actions have shown that. Say Something like,

I understand that your unhappy and you want X, that is not what I want at this time, but I understand that is what you want.

I wouldn't bring up alternatives, he knows what his options are, he's done nothing but think about them for the last few weeks. Try and be strong, you want to seem like your ok with whatever he wants to do, if you breakdown it will reinforce why he wants it.

Don't mention EA, again he doesn't care what you think about it.

And finally, WHAT? You've been talking to someone? Like dating? If your talking about here, no don't mention any type of counseling or advice you've received. If you've been talking personally to someone, don't tell him but let us know.