Doodler - I read over your threads. Have you noticed, your wife was abused by a babysitter and her boyfriend, and now she's involved with this creepy guy AND his wife? Sounds like she is recreating on some sick level the dysfunction that happened to her as a child.
This is more common than you'd think. My ex was traumatized by his mother's divorcing his father when he was 17 - then he left when OUR youngest son was 17. Not a coincidence, I think.